If It Was That Simple

Early Birthday Present To Me

2008-07-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm going to get a lot of time to enjoy the damn thing, but I guess that it was about time to retire the Mercedes and get myself an early birthday present.

Some pics of the newest member of my household. They suck, and I'll reshoot some later to get a better look, but for now, they work. (Dropping your DLSR and having to use a pocketcam FTL...)

Holla Limited Edition 25th Anniversary DTM package with a big ass V-8 and way more speed than I need. My old boss has an S4 from the last generation of the car and refers to it as his ticket machine. Mine is number 98 of only 250 built, and I'm already worrying about it getting hurt.

The car is stupid fast, and sounds AMAZING. I will have to throw up a YouTube vid with some noise coming out of it. Priceless.

So now I am going to forgo some sleep and drool on it in the driveway... I should be washing it...

Mel(l)o(w)dramatic...

2008-06-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

So here I am waiting for something new and exciting to ruin my Friday, and I must say that this is the easiest shitty Friday ever. I have had nothing go my way all day, and every time something new goes wrong I am the one that will have to fix it. Saturday. My boss had the nerve to refer to me as being "melodramatic" when I was complaining about the things that have gone wrong today. As I said to her; "easy for the person who's going to be home on Saturday to say."

That shut her up. But, truth be told, freaking out about stuff isn't going to make it any better

Thanks to the holiday next week (Independence Day, for those playing at home) on Friday, I had already planned on coming in on Sunday. This means that in two weeks I will not take a day off. (It's going to work out to a bit longer than that, but for the sake of argument, it's these two weeks that I am worried about right now.)

Not that it's anything new, but the rest of America will be enjoying a three days weekend. I won't be enjoying a damn thing. But...

Every year some friends and I throw a massive Fourth of July Party, and not going isn't an option. It's one of those things where the party has outlasted relationships, friendships (people who now hate each other still attend), and anything else that may get in the way of a good time. SO. The new plan is to go into work and then go to the party. Then go into work hung over the net day.

Waking Up Still DRUNK FTW!!!!

And I'll try to blog a bit more regularly... ;-)

I Made Under $ 750,000 Last Year, Where's My Check?

2008-05-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

I have stayed away from politics on the blog as I feel that I don't need to intentionally alienate any readers, but some things bear mentioning. Looking at my IP tracking, I may be about to infuriate at least some readers in the midwest. So be it, this needs mentioning.

Yesterday the Farm Bill passed the House, and today it passed the Senate. For those unfamiliar with the 2007 Farm Bill, it is the $289,000,000,000 cherry on top of the government sundae of spending.

People can bitch about government spending here and there all they want, but when the government allows subsidy payments to individuals with incomes up to $750,000 a year (married incomes of up to 1.5 million dollars) it somehow strikes me as the rich getting richer. Isn't that what so many people are bitching about? Economic stimulus checks are arriving now. I'm wondering where mine is, as I am positive I made less than three quarters of a million dollars last year.

Then there is the ethanol debate. I just can't stand behind the idea of burning food... We have seen rises across the board in food prices and yet somehow we need to be giving refiners (those people that everyone likes to bitch about having record profits) a 45¢ a gallon tax credit for blending ~~food~~ corn based ethanol into our gasoline. I know that the subsidy exists to keep US farmers in the business of growing corn, but at a time of record grain prices (and shortages in other categories, the big two in my world being barley and hops) is this still necessary?
And then we end up with anomalies. Case in point, a recent article in the W.S.J. pointed out that some refiners have been switching to Brazilian ethanol due to it's lower cost even though it is hit with a 54¢ a gallon tariff. Brazilian ethanol is made primarily from sugar cane, and their economy is immensely dependant upon the export of ethanol. That said, the entire country of Brazil only produces 4.3 billion gallons of the fuel. The US produces only 7 billion gallons of ethanol. The 2007 Farm Bill mandates that refiners blend 9 billion gallons of ethanol this year alone, with an average increase of about half a million gallons a year over the next fourteen years.

The increase can be made up in their production of Cellulosic Ethanol. CE is produced from non-food items such as sawgrass, wood chips, sawdust, etc... The production of CE at least has the potential to alleviate the need to burn US foodstocks to run our automobiles, but it is still being researched and there are currently only two major CE projects, one of which is not expected to come completely online until 2011. The Farm Bill provides a significant research subsidy to increase the production of CE, and it damn well better. The bill requires that an additional 21 billion gallons of CE be blended into the US fuel supply in 14 years. (A total US ethanol dependancy of 36 billion gallons.) For some reason I think we aren't going to be able to pull that one off...

And then there is the food aid. The fact that this spending is thrown into a bunch of government pork is laughable and probably one of the few reasons that the damn thing passes with enough votes to override a veto. It's hard to tell the poorest people in a congressional district why you voted against their children's school lunch program...

I Get By

2008-05-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I managed to live through my Mother's visit, Cinco de Mayo, and the last week of work before my vacation.

Now I am sitting in Florida, having already been to the beach (surfing, but the waves were so small), just trading stocks and enjoying the hell out of myself. I think that I am going to have a hard time leaving here... It's about eleven million degrees, but I guess that it's really easy to get used to and right now I couldn't give a damn. It's nice and sunny, the rain hasn't materialized, and even if it does I do not care. I am having a great time on vacation... (Who knew this was possible?)

It's The End Of The World As I Know It

2008-05-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

So I guess it isn't that bad, but my mother is coming to visit, and while I do love the woman dearly, the thought of here staying at my house for a few days drives me insane. I do not know why...

I guess it's because I have to "behave" while she's here.

No going out drinking with friends, and coming in the front door at 3:00AM (there goes my Sunday Rock Band party, and I am not kidding). No bringing home random women (yeah, that doesn't happen when she's not here, so I guess it's not much of a concern).

And then there's the real draw back.

No being at work all hours of the day. I've got someone at home waiting for me, and while the woman lived in Seattle for six years, I feel obligated to entertain. I am sure that during the day she will be visiting old friends and seeing the sights, but she's also here to see her son. That's me. That means that I have to be there. And while I'd like to think that I can show her around the office and our operation, I can't keep her occupied for long.

Oh shit... Door bell...

Cinco de Mondayo

2008-04-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well it would appear that my lazy ass has finally managed to get back to my blog after missing a couple of weeks.

Or a month.

And a few days.

Anyways. Work has kept me busy. A couple of trips to visit various suppliers of ours were both a lot of fun. They managed to entertain and educate... Lots of entertaining... Yeah...

And now we're working on a whole on a whole new holiday of fun; Cinco de Mayo. CdM is not a "real holiday" in Mexico but us beer people have managed to turn it into a traditional celebration of Mexican heritage. (Read, lot's of fucking drinking and eating pseudo-Mexican food)

Sadly enough, the date actually commemorates the date that a Mexican General defeated a French General as the French were invading Mexico... They beat the French, big fucking deal, who hasn't. The really funny thing to me is the French regrouped and a year later took control of Mexico for four years... "Mexico, the country that lost to France in battle" probably won't be making it onto the license plates any time soon.

But hey, kick back, put your feet up, and drink ANYTHING BUT a Co-ro-na... That shit is disgusting.

If Anyone Still Reads This

2008-04-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

I'll be around sometime soon. I've just been hammered with some big beer stuff.

And sometimes

2008-03-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes mobile blogging sucks.

Because my computer is a touch screen it happens to be very sensitive about being in a briefcase. And so when I set it aside (failing to realize that I had left it on) it begins to have a mind of it's own. Something taps the screen, and suddenly a post is deleted. Something taps the screen again, and suddenly there is a post of gibberish because things have been rattling around the keyboard.

So, after clearing all of that up, I don't have the time to type the post I wanted to type.

Sorry about all of that confusion. We're experiencing technical difficulties... The normal programing will be resumed later today.

Great Success.

2008-03-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

So I lived through St. Patty's Day.

I made it through pretty much sober, and was in bed really early. But it was a Monday night...

Next up, Cinco de Mayo, another Monday night. Ugh...

Victory In Melbourne For McLaren Mercedes.

2008-03-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

In a race where finishing meant earning points, McLaren Mercedes driver Lewis Hamilton dominated the field, leading 53 of 58 laps of the Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne.

Of the 22 cars that started the race, only seven crossed the finish line, and the "top eight" teams that were awarded points included not one, but two cars that failed to finish due to engine failures. One of the cars that did manage to cross the finish line was disqualified for a rule violation (technical violation, not blatant cheating), and so two cars that did not finish were in the points standings. Several accidents, numerous failures of components, and general craziness, all contributed to a very chaotic race.

Teams will be rapidly working towards building in reliability, and drivers will be working on reactions and safety before the Malaysian Grand Prix in just one week.

F1

2008-03-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

The 2008 season starts tomorrow.

Well, late tonight here in America. Tomorrow in Melbourne, Australia.

I'm as so excited. McLaren Mercedes took pole yesterday in qualifying. It looks like it is going to be a remarkable season yet again.

Quick Recovery?

2008-03-14T15:50:00.002-07:00

A big thank you goes out to everyone for the emails and comments wishing me well. I'm well on the road to recovery. I can weight the knee a bit, about a third of my R.O.M. (ange f otion) is back, and aside from the whole "it still hurts" thing I'm thinking that I will bounce back to the world of the walking.

Or I'm wrong, but to stubborn to admit defeat.

And I'm Spent

2008-03-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

So near the end of a work meeting yesterday I did not notice the chair that had been slid back, pinning my leg between the table and itself as I was standing and talking to my boss.

I did notice it after turning sharply and dislocating my knee. I noticed it as I fell to the ground. As I dropped immediately (my leg no longer worked), all I could think about was that it was going to suck when then pain came.

Everyone rushed to my side, but there was little that could be done. I pulled myself up onto a chair and just sat there, marveling at the time that had managed to pass, while I had not reinjured my knee. Then the pain...

It comes in waves and it's like experiencing the tide. Each pulse is more than the last, and pushes you a bit further. It sucks. So I sat through the rest of the meeting, and then O'Sullivan showed up to drive me home. Then I made the call to go into work today, with my knee in an imobilizer. That sucked too.

But... Now I have all weekend pretty much confined to my bed to blog stalk and keep this place up to date. Then Monday I'll be in to the doctor and finding out if this is a sprain, ligament tears (yes, same knee as the last time), or something else that I can't come up with in my head. Updates will follow.

That Guy (Part 5)

2008-03-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

So...

An Open Letter to "That Guy"

Dear That Guy;

I have dealt with many of the best people in the world in my life. I have been rewarded with remarkable friendships and people who enrich my life on a daily basis. My circle of friends is amazing, and I am fortunate to have them.

You are not my friend. We are not friends. We are acquaintances. We know each other, but we don't "know" each other. And I'm fine with that. You happen to be the most irritating person in the world, and that's just something that I do not need more in my life. If I were an oyster, my life would be filled with pearls. That might make the ladies happy, but it doesn't make me happy.

Knock off the BS at the office. Cut the shit, and stop trying to be buddy-buddy. I know that I want to stab you in the eye with a fountain pen, so stop giving me the opportunity by coming by. I want to yell at you to get off your lazy ass and contribute to the growth of this company. So stop sending me emails that give me the opportunity to hit "Reply: Add CC: Company List" and send out a request as to how the hell you are wasting my time, the company's time, and the world's bandwith with this shit. And finally, do your best to run things by me when you happen to think that making some dramatic change in the department. The next time you don't, it will not end the way you hope. I'll have you out the door on your ass.

Cock Bag

Sincerely,

The Stormin Mormon

Week In Review

2008-03-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

Last week was crazy, and this next week isn't going to be a whole lot better. I have spent entirely to much time worrying about work stuff, and I can't wait for St. Patty's Day. At least that is kinda the end to this whole crazy thing for a little while. We get another little lull where nothing happens and we get to catch up.

I have a feeling that my promotion ambitions are going to get in the way of a whole lot of down time, but at least it will cut the 13/14 hour days into 10/11. It's amazing what you can do with an extra two hours at home.

Daylight savings lime has royally fucked with me. I have one clock that doesn't reset itself (everything else is smart enough to know) and for some reason I have been trusting it more than any other this morning. Ugh...

I'll be making my blog rounds sometime (probably later today), updating The Stock Game Blog (you'll have to read the first post, perhaps I'll copy the good parts and post them here), and generally wasting the one day this week that I did not have something big going on... It should be fun.

Beyond Time

2008-03-06T06:02:00.000-08:00

It's not about how many hours you work. It's about how you feel about those hours.

I'm rapidly falling into insanity, but I'm having fun...

I'll be posting here and visiting everyone's sites soon. :-)

New Systems

2008-02-29T15:34:00.001-08:00

Give me cancer now God...

This meeting has been a blast, but I really would love to eat a bottle of rat poison than remain here.

And I'm one of the people who's been working on this new system for a while. This means that there is no new news for me.

The redeeming factor in this day is that it is fun to watch people scrambling while they do their best to adapt. I think I was 90 percent fluent on this bad boy after a few hours.

So this would be a colossal waste of my time if it wasn't for the fact that I can email from my phone and update my blog, and laugh at people as they ask questions that have already been answered to other people long before today.

Aside from all of the fun here, today has been a weird one. I destroyed a tire on my car and discovered that there was no jack in my car... MB sent a tech to fix it (and bring me a jack), so I just had a fun wait on the side of the highway. I learned that my cell phone is the worst phone in the world. It's a great PDA, a wonderful email machine, and it can text message like a champ. It is the worst PHONE that I've ever used. So this weekend I'm getting new rims and a new phone.

But now I'm going to stare blankly at the speaker, and maybe field a question or two from the people who are lagging behind.

-Stormin Out...

Random Emails

2008-02-25T05:56:00.000-08:00

So it turns out that the first email I open today is also destined to be one of the best ever.

Go Huskies!

Roll It Out

2008-02-25T04:25:00.000-08:00

So at the end of this week my company rolls out an entirely new software and hardware system for everyone.

I'm not in our IT department, I'm in our beer shenanigans department.

But, I am the youngest guy in my position by 5 years... Well closer to eight years... I'm the guy with a blog. The one who always fixes people's mistakes so that they don't have to wait for IT to come do it. As one guy put it, "You remind me of my kid, he's a genius at this 'computer stuff.'" Of course I do, his kid is four years younger than I am...

So...

I was selected by my boss' boss to be our departments liaison to IT for this whole "new system" fiasco. This means that I get to do my job, the parts of my boss' job that I already do, and now that job on top of it. But the fun doesn't end there. IT likes me because they don't have to dumb anything down for me, so they have asked me to be one of the few "Super Users" (yeah, the computer geeks at my company are just like the geeks at every company). This means I get an Administrator account on the new system and will be somewhat responsible for my guys systems. When the shit hit's then fan, they'll call me instead of bugging IT immediately. Of course I said yes. I think that I have "a snowflakes chance in hell" when it comes to mastering the new system in ONE WEEK, but I know that I have a better chance of getting it right than anyone else that they could task for the job in this short a period of time.

So as I prepare for what will no doubt be one of the busiest weeks of work in recent memory, I figure that I might as well throw my schedule up here for all to see.

Mon - Work and then dinner with brewmaster of one of our brands.
Tues - The Island, and then a stupid appointment about my stupid knee.
Wed - Work, and then a division meeting after work about March.
Thurs - Work (Thank God, one day of just work)
Fri - All day with the IT guys working on the new system.
Sat - Friday part two. It will be a long day.

I'm D-Runk

2008-02-22T23:52:00.001-08:00

Totally Drunk...

If TCH would volunteer to drive to Krystals, I'm buying...

Big post tomorrow. Well... Today.

Just later, when I'm less hammered. In the AM...

LOL... Someone please stop me before I make some comment about someone/something that I can't retract.

Holy crap. Why am I able to post from my cell phone? I should totally turn this off...

Or not. (Insert inappropriate comment here about breasts.)

Wow, just lost half my readers with that one.

Guys, please don't hold drunk Stormin to anything. I blame it all on D.K., he's getting me drunk...

Side of beef.

HD DVD is dead.

2008-02-19T05:52:00.001-08:00

Hahahahahaha...

Huzzah Blu-Ray.

God I love my PS3.

-Stormin

Hitting On Me

2008-02-18T19:22:00.001-08:00

I think Word Verification is hitting on me. While posting on Mindy Does Minneapolis (great blog, by the way, and not about what all you pervs are thinking right now, but hey I though it too), my W.V. caused a raised eyebrow...

What would you all make of this:

Now, in case you can't make that one out, I zoomed:

As close to "under you" as can be... ;-)

I'm not that easy. I think.

For TCH

2008-02-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

The hallway at one of my favorite local bars:

2008-02-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

So...

Here I am trying to come up with a cohesive post from the emails that I sent myself Thursday and Friday and all I can think about is:

Drinking last night - Yeah... I think if I weren't getting paid by a beer company I would have a problem. But, I call it "work" and at least I feel great about myself.

More beer pong, where my teammate left me FLYING SOLO, as he was chasing some tail. The S.O.B. didn't even get lucky and I had to play against a two person team, which means I was drinking twice as much. I still won every game, and I think that I might call it training for THIS next year. Though I can not compete thanks to my job, which pisses me off. I could probably win the damn thing.

And then there is the fact that I really don't get hung over. I woke up today feeling great at 9AM (which is sleeping in). I walk outside to get the paper, and notice that my Wall Street Journal is in Japanese. Which pisses me the hell off. I could read it if I wanted to take the time, though my Japanese is rusty, it's still there. So I'm debating that one right now...

Finally there is tomorrow. I have to go to a damn baby shower, and in case you missed it, I fucking hate children. But it's for a friend, she's super excited about the damn thing, and I already bought the gift... God I hate children... *shudders*

Finally

2008-02-15T00:51:00.000-08:00

Finally

All of the Valentine's Day bullshit is out of the way.

Bring on St Patty's Day!!!!

PS: Real post below.

M.I.A.

2008-02-14T17:27:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap...

Three things:

1: No, I haven't wandered off in some drunken stupor (though I am currently kinda buzzed, but that's another story) though everyone has been getting some blog neglect (mine included). I'm greatly sorry for this, but my boss is gone this week and that means that I get to do my job, her job (already do enough of that anyways), and we've had meetings every day this week. Do not fret, this Saturday there will be a clever post that I have been brainstorming all week and literally emailing myself notes about from my phone.

2: The Charming Hedonist is single. Overprotective mothers of Florida, keep an eye on your sons. ;-)
(Hey, I was as shocked to hear about this as anyone. Usually firefighters win the cute ones. And yes, that's an assumption about my random blog buddy from 2300 miles away, but I'm buzzed and in the mood to make assumptions that fit my mental state of the world. Jesus this is the longest thought interrupting parenthesis in the history of blogging. Why am I still typing?!?!?!)
And Girl In A Guys World is single too... But she will soon come to her senses and see that the Broadcaster and her are destined for one another any time now... And I'm not the first one to say that.
Two wonderful women such as these being single is indeed hope for any man. Any man that happens to be a reasonably well off, good looking type, that is witty and fun, with one hell of a personality, or The Broadcaster (who should have a blog, we talk about him enough). But hey, if you fit the bill, hit them up.

(Yes, I did just tell people to hit you both up, and I know that your laughing about it...)

3: One day I will tell you all why I am well on my way to intoxicated on Valentines day, but not today.

Big post Saturday morning (maybe tomorrow if I get home soon enough) about something that has been on my mind all week.

The System Works?

2008-02-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

So I had kinda let THIS post from The Charming Hedonist slip out of my mind, but then something happened Friday that really put it right back into the forefront of my concern...

MY TAKE on why the system definitely does not work...

Friday was K.B.'s birthday party. A time of drunken shenanigans the likes of which are rarely seen, and the very reason why we ALWAYS make a birthday party, a house party. Beer Pong, Kings, Guitar Hero, and Boojum* were enjoyed by almost everyone. We keep it real, and play double regulation distance Beer Pong (16 feet), house rules Kings (much more punishing), and well Guitar Hero drunk is really hard.... Then there is the Boojum. As far as I am aware, every Boojum virgin tried a drink, and many suffered the consequences.

After that, I was not going to be driving. I play it safe, and the lovely VonYennerson drove us back to my buddy D.K.'s house, where I was going to crash on the couch, as I had to drop his truck off with him the next day (well, that same day, just later when it was light out) to get detailed. We were back to his place by about 4AM, and for a half hour I laid on the couch, just not able to sleep. I have a really comfy bed (seriously comfy) and the couch was not cutting it.

So I decided to walk home. 3 miles at about 4:30AM, on my bad knee, sounds like a great plan when drunk... So I left Dave a note to come get me at home in the morning, and set off.

Half way between my house and Dave's house is a 24 hour 7-Eleven, where I decided to stop in and get a drink to make the rest of the walk easier (never mind the fact that I had a hundred bucks in my pocket, which would have made great cab fare, you don't think about these things when intoxicated). So I walk to the fridge, grab a Rockstar, and head to the line (yes, there was a line in front of me at 5AM).

It gets to the lady standing in front of me, and the clerk asks her if it will be TWO transactions. She replies yes, and he turns and grabs a carton of cigarettes and five $20 lottery tickets. I guess she must be regular enough that he knows everything she buys...

She has a half dozen items in front of her, and he rings those up first. To pay she pulls out a Quest Card. Quest is our states version of Food Stamps... Food Stamps are my tax dollars at work. I was buying the half dozen items in front of her...

He then rings up the Lottery Tickets and Cigarettes. $160... She pulls out three fifties and a ten while putting her Quest Card back.

She is paying cash for smokes and lottery tickets, while my tax dollars are paying for her fucking food?!?!?!?! (Judging by the food on the counter, her children's food as well) And it's not as if this seems to be a new concept to her, the clerck knew her well enough to grab her lottery tickets and particular brand of smokes before she even asked.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to shout out at the top of my lungs that while I bust my ass at work to make my ends meet (well, the ends meet quite well, but I still work hard), somehow she does not. But is seems to be no big deal to her that she has my tax dollars to spend on food so that she can spend what little money she must earn on smokes and lottery tickets. I wanted to ask her what the fuck made her feel that she should be gambling with the money she does earn instead of using it to provide more for her children. But most of all I wanted to ask her what the fuck she was doing to make her situation better so that she didn't have to KEEP doing it. But I didn't. I was drunk, and I knew that somehow the well off guy that berated the poor underprivileged woman who was using her food stamps to feed her children would be the BAD GUY in that situation. And so I waited for her to leave, and asked the clerk how often she came in...

A couple times a week, always the same stuff. A bit of food, a carton of cigs, and five $20 scratch tickets. Cash for the smokes and tickets, food stamps for the food.

I followed that one up right away; "That bother you even a little bit?"

His response; "It does. This is my second job, and I work a lot at both... But my kids have food and a roof over their head. The last thing I need to do is say something, get fired, and put an end to that."

And I couldn't agree more with him on his stance on the issue.

But I have decided that the system does not work.

And it pisses me off.

And I'm going to be working on that one. Which means I am going to end up running for a public office. Which means that I may have to change my drinking behavior... Which means that I may not be running for public office...

Shit...

*There is no Wiki article on Boojum, and I would have written one specifically for this post, but that seems to be a bit self important of me, as the drink is one that we invented. It's a mixture of every alcohol that you have on hand, and usually an extra ingredient or two from the hosts fridge. Friday's Boojum contained: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Mikes Hard Lemonade, Mikes Hard Lime, Vodka, Bacardi 151, Jaegermeister, and a dash of Ketchup (fridge ingredient, and not that odd, the original had mustard in it). This is usually a birthday drink, and has resulted in numerous instances of "immediate stomach evacuation" when handed to an unprepared drinker. Usually ONE small drink of Boojum is required for every party goer...

Sweet Tickets

2008-02-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

So I snapped a pic on the way to the game.

(Yes, it's a camera phone pic and it sucks, sue Palm)

(Yes, I was driving, kiss my ass I can drive and take pictures)

(Fine... I'll stop taking pictures while driving.)

I have scored some sweet season tickets through work.

Suite Season Tickets in fact.

For as long as we have a team.

It's going to be a fun couple of months.

The Superbowl Causes Cancer

2008-02-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

While watching the news this morning, I'm listening to their "Superbowl Party Planning" B.S. and they have on this doctor that is offering up health tips for the party...

Don't drink to much, because that can cause blah, blah, blah... Cancer.

(You all better be enjoying some ice cold beers today!!!! We've been busting our asses to make sure that people have a beer or eleven with the Superbowl and I don't give a damn what some doctor says. The last time I checked, to much beer causes a lot of dizziness and eventually vomiting. Let's not get that far... But we can all get pretty damn buzzed!)

Don't offer your guests to may rich foods... Blah, blah, blah, all your guests will get cancer.

(He's right. If they fill up on rich foods, they'll have less room for beer!)

Serve chicken instead of pork or red meats... Red meat causes cancer.

(FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU Doc. Back away from my steak! The greatest thing in the world to enjoy with an ice cold beer is a medium rare steak (if I can't find any Cabernet). If it was already sex, fillet mignon would be my favorite thing in the world. Well, maybe behind beer and sex.)

So in short, the Superbowl itself causes cancer. That's what I've figured out. Party your ass off, but for the love of God, only watch the game if you're certain that you want cancer... I've been watching the past Superbowls for a week, so I'm already doomed.

Today I will watch Superbowl XLI, eat a handful of broccoli to kill off the cancer that I must have due to my life of excessive Superbowl watching, and then go to a party for yet another Superbowl.

Enjoy the day everyone.

Wiped Out

2008-02-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

So I got home last night/this morning at 5AM after a night of hanging out with my guys (and girls) from work at the dueling piano bar we have in town. GREAT times had by all, and I really love the whole dueling piano theme...

So of course, I get a call from Jen at 10AM asking me if I wanted to go to the gym. 5 hours of sleep after a night of partying, and what the hell, I've had enough.

Then I had a great idea. Lets go to the treadmills...

I still have not had my ACL fixed (the thing is totally gone) so running was not a real option, and I set the thing at 4MPH and a 10 rating on the incline, just a brisk walk... Three miles later, I was done, the knee just not having any more of it.

I think I am going to keep forcing myself to do it a few days a week. It wasn't horribly comfortable, but losing my ability to run has been driving me mad, and at least the really quick uphill walk felt like a warm up.

Not it's seven at night, and I am just OUT. So very tired.

Substantive Post? How About: "That Guy" Part Four

2008-01-31T21:56:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here trying to come up with a post containing substance, when all I can do is think about how much "That Guy" made me mad today.

If you want to know who "That Guy" is without reading the posts, a simple synopsis is that he's that guy in your life (could be a girl), usually at work but not necessarily, that you're about two seconds from beating the shit out of should he/she somehow finally step over the line... But he stays there, right at the edge of an ass kicking, pushing just enough buttons to keep you furious. He thinks that he's everyone's friend and that everyone finds his bullshit humorous. He's dead wrong...

And "That Guy" also rears his ugly head at other times in life. The guy that jumps the queue when driving. The guy that takes ten minutes when ordering at the drive through when you have six minutes to get lunch. There's dozens of examples in life when you end up saying; "Holy Shit, you're that guy. That guy that I would murder if it wouldn't make Jesus hate me."

Well today "That Guy" was in great form. That guy is doing everything he can to push the rules at work, seeing if he can somehow do whatever the hell he wants and not get fired.

In Late? ---- Fuck yeah, by about an hour, every other day. Not that we're hourly, but still, nice of the fucker to show up when he gets to it...

Not Dressed Professionally? ---- Yep, and that's not the worst part. Quote; "What, I don't have to deal with clients, and my boss is gone, so why not. You're just jealous..." When in fact we can have brand reps in at any time, and I'd like to make sure that they feel that the millions of dollars they spend with us is justified as being spend on the most professional company in the industry. Some jackass in jeans walking around doesn't convey "professional" it conveys "must be the mail boy." I guess I'm old fashioned, or he's a douche. I'm guessing that I might be right.

Long Lunches? ---- Another result of his boss being gone. The fucker disappeared for two hours today, left his phone on his desk, and had info that we somehow needed... Not that I felt that he could ever produce anything that could not better (yeah, I know I'm being a hater, it was a long day), but the one time that a project he was assigned to would have been useful, he's nowhere to be found and incommunicado.

The list goes on and on, but today we managed to get ourselves into a very good yelling match, in which I called him a lazy sack of shit when I had enough of his shit... Apparently "lazy sack of shit" pushes his buttons more than any other statement known to man. He was fucking pissed. I was enjoying every second of it. Of course, when the argument continued, I could not hold back on the reasons that prove his "lazy sack of shitness".

I brought up the fact that I make more than him, even though he went to a ridiculously fancy private school that I will not name, simply for the sake of not associating that institution with that P.O.S. (You've heard of it...)

I brought up the fact that I've been promoted above him twice in the past year.

I brought up the fact that he does less at work, and expects more for it than anyone in the history of his job. Evidenced by his interviewing for a promotion that he got denied on, and being the only guy that didn't get a raise at the end of the last year. (Yeah, I went there)

And then, to drive it home, I just fucking fired one last shot over the bow...

"And then there was the whole; 'fired from the job that you had before here,' and getting your current job just because you knew someone, and not on merit."

I think I might have gone a bit far.

Then I called him a douchebag.

Post 200

2008-01-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

Well... 470something if you count the old blog (some of you guys were there for that, right?).

It has been a long ride, and I'm not anywhere near done. Real post tomorrow or perhaps as late as Friday. I've been so damn busy with this whole Superbowl thing...

The beer planning, not watching them. Though in that respect I'm on Superbowl IX and just watched the Steelers hand the Vikings there asses (sorry M.D.M., just recounting history). The Purple People Eaters pretty much looked like a bunch of purple wearing pansies.

Drinking On Fridays

2008-01-26T08:35:00.000-08:00

Now that I am up at 8:30AM thanks to the guy who DIDN'T go out with us last night calling me at 8AM to ask how it went. Let me tell you all how my Friday night went...

So there is a great thing in the world of drinking, and that thing happens to be Friday Night.

Friday night is that miracle time when you can get absolutely blasted because you have two full days to recover. The night that partying is easy, because there are a million reasons you want to, thanks to a week of work and just having left it all behind. And of course, the night that you damn well better have a Designated Driver, because the law don't give a damn why you're drinking.

Last night we had some beer people in town, and there is a new girl on my team at work (I say new, I've worked with her for 4 months, but hey, I've been busy), so the whole team decided in an impromptu fashion, to go out and have a blast. Just some of the friends from work getting together to shake their asses and have a fun. Not a work party, which we do, but those are different because there is a level of decorum expected from management and such (thank God we don't have bullshit "fraternization" rules, we're expected to get along with everyone).

So we all meet up at Château Hacker (the endearing term for the monstrosity of a house that Alyssa and her husband live in) to prefunk a bit and gather everyone together before departing to the club. Given my behavior LAST WEEKEND, I volunteered to be one of the the Designated Drivers...

The night was a mix of Coors Light, Blue Moon, Jägermeister, Grey Goose, and Diet Coke. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to guess what I was drinking, but I had a great time. Every one of them is a "funny drunk" and so being the sober guy isn't taxing. We closed the place down, and then on the drive back home, all of the drunks were DEMANDING food. Hello 24 hour drive through.

I have done some very difficult things in my life. Extracting the food order from three drunk friends while at the drive through ranks somewhere near the top of the list. I ordered nothing as I was pretty sure that the food they did get was going to be spit in after the ordeal at the speaker...

Watching three drunks attempt to compile cash to pay for fast food while in the drive through line ranks right at the top of my list of fun things to do. Three people produced $90 (a ten and then four twenties) to buy $24 worth of fast food. Just bills handed out at random. Of course, I hand the lady two twenties (the damn sign on the window says nothing bigger than a $50, who the hell needs to pay for fast food with a hundred dollar bill, if you have $100 on you, you shouldn't be eating fast food) and then sit there waiting trying to think about how I am going to make change for everyone... Apparently that was not an issue. I ask them and get; "I don't care, fill your car with gas, you drove," as a unanimous response after a few seconds of drunk debate. Fine by me.

So we depart from the fast food joint, breaking the rules as we go (RULE 31: No drunks can eat in my car), but it was a fun night and I knew that food would sedate all of them. Though the spontaneous "2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted" singalong was wickedly entertaining...

And the fact that three drunks knew EVERY WORD of the song perfectly...

I mean, they could have been singing back-up for Pac and Snoop, PERFECT...

I love my job and the people I work with at time...

Anyways, everyone was crashing at the Château Hacker, so there was only one house to get back to. I got them there, got everyone inside, and headed home. I got home just past 3AM...

Now it's going to be a long day of watching TV. It's here.

Patience Are For Doctors

2008-01-21T21:11:00.000-08:00

I am not a patient man. When I say I want something, I want it yesterday... I want it the day before yesterday, and an explanation about what the hell took so long.

This is why me and shopping online are a bad combination. Shipping shit takes time, and I don't like time.

God has blessed my with a huge city in which I can find just about everything that I could ever want, and it's all within an hour drive. Even though our sales tax is high enough to fund a small country for decades, I buy a majority of my things locally because I'm not a waiter. I'm a "nower". I even have the Executive Membership to Costco because that means that I get to shop there an hour earlier than everyone else, meaning NO LINES.

And at times, this whole lack of patience is less prominent than one might think. But now is not one of those times.

I found an item that I wanted, and could not find locally. So I had to order it online. It's been shipped from Plano, TX, and it will be here on Friday... But it's MONDAY!!! For God sakes, I could drive to Plano and be back by Friday. What did they send it, Express Tortoise?

And the worst part is that the damn company had no other shipping option. Just, buy this and we send it. See ya when it gets there.

So here I sit, checking the tracking info to see just where the Terrapin bearing my package happens to be...

Did I Drink Last Night?

2008-01-21T04:51:00.000-08:00

So I remember every second of the football games last night.

And I remember drinking every second of those games as well.

I was so past trashed, that the term "derailed" comes to mind.

So I took a shower and went to bed. Then I woke up this morning at 2AM, and felt thirsty but like a million bucks. No hangover, just the need for some water and desiring another shower. So I spent the morning reading blogs (38 of them), updating my sidebar (new blog links), listening to my Zune (this thing is PRICELESS), and drinking nine bottles of water. All of which took three hours.

Which means I need to go get in the shower five minutes ago.

Giving Up

2008-01-20T11:31:00.000-08:00

And it's just at the point where I feel that I might as well admit that the Patriots are going to end up winning the Superbowl.

They play the Chargers today... Victory is all but written in the history books already.

And then either the Packers (let's face it, probably the Packers) or the Giants. Both of which are teams that I would like to see do well. Brett Favre could win one more before retiring, and Eli Manning could make his brother look like a douche.*

But I can't see either of those teams possessing the talent in every position that it's going to take to beat the Pats.

So in short, kiss my ass Belichick. Quit cutting the sleeves off of your sweater, you look like a hobo got into the stadium and put on a Motorola headset.

*And I love the Colts.

A Good Year

2008-01-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

So one of our suppliers decided that I should get a gift to celebrate my hard work in making last year one of their best ever.

And I got a pair of court side Sonics tickets, and THIS:

So amid the myriad of crap on my desk I have really great basketball tickets and a bottle of wine that makes the tickets look boring. The wine is my age, both of us just taking our time getting better since 1983. But just like the wine, the debate is complex. For what reason should I open the 1983 Graham's? Save it for my birthday in July (the QC for me and the wine) seems to be like the reasonable response, but I'm not sure. This could sit in the bottle for another ten+ years and still be amazing or be even better.

And an UPDATE:

Here is the last email from my guy on Vacation about the resolution of "SquirrelGate"

"Well, as per the advice of (I shit you not) "The Critter Catcher" I lit a fire and even kept it going all day. No squirrel has been seen in the fireplace since, so I hope he made it out. Actually, now as my wife and I clean up the black soot rodent prints, a little part of me hopes that he didn't. This has got to be the weirdest vacation ever. I'll see you on Monday."

At Least It's Not My Vacation

2008-01-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

This is the entire text of an email that I got today from one of my guys that is on vacation this week. I just had to share it with everyone, as I spent the day laughing my ass off about it.

"Just checking in with you... My day started very weird: a squirrel got into my chimney and fell into my fireplace. Thank god there's a set of glass doors on the thing. I opened the front door and then the firescreen doors but the bastard just ran around the house looking like a soot soaked lunatique before running back to the firebox!  Then he wouldn't come back out. Turns out the humane society doesn't do wild animal rescue and the guy they recomend wants $150 just to show up.  He said "smoke him out, he'll find out real fast that he CAN climb up too"!  So here I sit in a house covered in little black varmint paw prints watching a fire burn and praying NOT to see a smoke drugged squirrel fall onto the fire log.   Hows your day?  I think I'd rather be at work, myself."

1 800 SELL OUT

2008-01-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

No, I have not sold my beloved Colts down the river and given up on them. The season is just over and now I have the opportunity to focus on my first love. Hockey

So my blog has shifted to show my undying love of the Dallas Stars.

For my Minnesota readers that think I happen to have sold out the Twin Cities, I moved from Edina to Arlington the same year as the Stars made their journey south... It was fate that kept us together, and I'll support the team until the day I die.

(Uniquely enough, my father being from Baltimore and then Indy creates a similar origin for my Colts football fanaticism.)

Dallas is currently in second place in their Division within the Western Conference, and in third place in the West overall (should the season end tomorrow, we make the playoffs). Their record has them tied for fourth in the entire NHL... It's been a good year so far, and if San Jose can be stopped, we'll win the Pacific Division Title this year. But, we also have to contend with the Anaheim Ducks (last years champs).

I'll try to keep the hockey chat down to a dull roar, as I'm sure that 90% of the people stopping by have no desire to know my stance on Shootouts vs. Overtime, or the two line pass.

Go STARS!

Taggers

2008-01-11T18:49:00.000-08:00

This post brought to you by: Fresh Lime Juice, Patron Silver, a hint of Grand Mariner, and a dash of salt. Shaken well, and strained.

So I got tagged by The Ex, and in the spirit of the New Year I have decided to play along.

Rules are pretty much standard fare. If I tag you at the end of this, play along. Mention me in the top line, list 7 random facts (your choice) and then tag seven people at the end. The people that I have chosen to tag may or may not play along, but I think that I have selected them based more upon how fun their facts could be than the guarantee of participation.

But first things first. The facts:

-I have no qualms about "playing dirty" at work when it comes to beating our competition. At times this has included bending or breaking the L.Q.B. laws. I spent time in school working on being an attorney, which I got bored with. ~~I guess I have always been a crook at heart.~~ I may justify it as the Liquor Control Board being a state monopoly that exists merely to tax me (and our product). It's not as if they're a legal agency out for the common good, they're just in it to make an easy buck. But it still should bug me more than it does.

-I will not go out with someone that I don't find interesting, no matter how attractive they are. This has been a hard call in the past, and will be a hard call in the future. Doesn't change anything...

-I am so very bad with names. But yet so very good with numbers. I have been in meetings reciting statistics like an encyclopedia, and still can't recall the names of half of the people I am meeting with. It has made the statement from me "would you like to bet" a virtual guarantee of accuracy at work.

-I am so bad about returning phone calls, but it's not as if I forget. I simply put the call at the lowest priority, and stuff always comes up. If I called you back, you're important.

-I won't drink a beer that I don't represent, and the mere sight of some of them repulses me.

-I read the Wall Street Journal every day. It's the only paper that I feel is worth a damn and for the most part they avoid politicizing the news.

-I will watch Steven Segal and Keanu Reeves movies even though I feel that both are horrible actors.

And now... The people that I'd like to see this one answered by:

Laughing Through My Chardonnay

Peter DeWolf

Bottle Blonde

Miss Natalie

Travistee

The Charming Hedonist

Ridiculous Life Lessons

Fingers crossed.

An Inconveniant Truth...

2008-01-11T09:06:00.001-08:00

It's snowing in Bagdad, Iraq...

Manbearpig is nowhere to be found.

Meetingville

2008-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

It's apparently where I live.

I made the mistake of applying for a promotion. At the time I thought that I should do it while I was looking good. Better than good in fact. The corporate guys from the beer company that we're working with were out looking at the program today in the retail chains and they had nothing but good to say...

So I talked to my boss' superior and hesitantly awaited his response. One of the longest two seconds in my life. He thinks it's a great idea.

So Now...

I'm expected to do all of my job, and sit in on the management proceedings with every one of the higher ups too.

This has made my social week pretty much the following:

Monday - Dinner with friends after a normal eight hour day.
Tuesday - Dinner at the office during the supplier meetings. (Home by 9!)
Wednesday - Dinner at the office during the management meeting. (Home by 9 again! Hooray me!)
Thursday - Dinner at the office before going out to wrap up some stuff that my boss' boss called me about at 4:30 (ALMOST... Five minutes later and I would have been on my way home. When, lets all admit, I would have turned around and gone back to take care of it.) Just got home...
Tomorrow - More of the same, but I think that the dinner with friends thing is going to happen again. I am sick of eating at the office and have no desire at all to cook at home.

Is it any wonder why I am so single?

I guess I won't be complaining when I get the 25% pay raise (yeah, I think I might have not kept my poker face on when I heard that one), but all of this damn "training" beforehand is a real P.I.T.A.

The end result?

I'm buying one of these this summer:

My Boy

2008-01-04T00:44:00.000-08:00

I know that the world isn't always an easy place, but some things just hit to close to home. Girl in A Guy's World had to put down Buckey, and it really made me think about my boy.

This is my Labrador, Bailey. He's the greatest thing that has ever happened to my life, and I love him more than anything.

And he loves mint treats more than anything. I think maybe even more than car rides and fetch combined.

And no, he's not gay... He just has a wide stance...

Sunday Night Football

2007-12-30T17:16:00.000-08:00

So the game tonight matters a ton to the Titans, and not in any way to the Colts. I hope we kick the shit out of them.

Either way, one thing remains constant. We play in the toughest division in the league.

(Assuming a Colts win, either way the division numbers do not change.)

Indy - 14 and 2
Jags - 11 and 5
Titans - 9 and 7
Texans - 8 and 8

Which gives our division a 65.625% win to loss ratio with EVERY TEAM at least playing at five hundred. Comparing this to other divisions:

NFC East - 62.5% - With two tough teams in the Cowboys and Giants, 13-3 and 10-6 are two respectable records. And I have no love for the Cowboys or Giants (I don't care if he is a Manning), so the respect is earned. The Redskins made the playoffs, which didn't impress me simply because Dallas had nothing to lose today, but that made them a 3 playoff team division.

NFC North - 54.688% - Home of the Packers at 13-3, where you just can't hate Brett Favre. The guy is like that friendly uncle. You know the one. The guy that sends you a $15 Target gift card on your birthday, and it's cool because none of your other uncles and aunts sends you anything. No? Just me? Well I like the guy.

AFC North - 50.00% - This COULD HAVE BEEN the toughest division in the league. But things in Cincinnati and Baltimore have fallen apart and put them right at the half. Don't let that number fool you. Every team in this division can beat anyone else in the league...

AFC East - 43.75% - This division is home to the league's best and worst record. The obligatory "Fuck The Patriots" comment must follow. When you get to play six games against teams that could only put together a playoff season IF YOU COMBINED ALL OF THEIR WINS... No wonder they got 16 wins. The regular season is over, so it means nothing.

NFC South - 42.188% - It's one of the worst division records in the league, but...

AFC West - 40.625% - Nobody can ever forget that John Elway is retired and now the Broncos suck so the Chargers head up the best of the worst. That and the subtle fact that...

NFC West - 40.625% - The NFC West remains tied as the current basement of the league. As much as everyone here expects me to adopt the Seahawks, I'm just not a sell out. And if I was a sell out, I still couldn't do it. The Hawks squeak into the playoffs every year and ever since that Superbowl ~~theft~~ loss to the Steelers, the city has had this "it's owed to us" attitude... Fuck that, they should have beat the Bears last year, and then lost to the Colts in XLI. One losing season and this city would sell them out so fast... Just look at the Sonics and Mariners.
As for the division. Hey, maybe Leinart one day will lead the Cardinals to the division lead. I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

What does all of this mean? Nothing, it's just a fun exercise in numbers that justify a 14-2 record (or maybe 13-3). We're still the reigning champs...

The playoffs start next week, and that means that I need to hope that the Seahawks win a few more games just to keep the beer flowing liberally locally... As for the rest of the games, sorry GGW, we're going back to the dance! GO COLTS!!!!

Not A Lack Of Effort

2007-12-29T09:32:00.000-08:00

So it's not that I'm not trying to post something in the past few days, I've just had the biggest creative block going on in history. And not just here...

At work I had the task of coming up with THE SUPERBOWL PROGRAM for a major retail chain's beer department. Every one of the chains stores will have my program in it, and it's one of the largest food retailers in the nation. FUCK!

And of course, it's not a simple as; "Well let's have them throw some beer on the floor and some Point Of Sale around it, la dee da..."

No, this has to comply with LAWS, which suck. God I am so glad that I never did the whole lawyer thing (sorry Jazz). Laws which limit what we can say, what we can do, and what we can have on the display. And this is where the NFL pisses me off (sorry Mike, and Girl In A Guys World):
-One beer company owns the rights to the term Superbowl and has the official NFL beer sponsorship which means that they can use EVERY team logo on a display while not highlighting ANY PARTICULAR team logo. The also have the exclusive rights to several team names and logos, thanks to licensing agreements. (This would be Coors)
-Another beer company has independently purchased the rights to many of the teams logos and names from the teams themselves (these would be the infamous licensing agreements again). And the NFL is OK with this. (This would be Bud)
-Yet another beer company has purchased the rights to a few more team names (thanks, Independent Licensing Agreement) which mattered to it due to local marketing issues. (This would be Miller)

Can't it just be ONE company that has the rights to the NFL and that's that?

So instead of being able to use every locality's team name on the displays (well, at least the ones that made it into the playoffs) I have to make sure that the program will work well in any NFL market without alienating fans or violating the law, while complying with the wonderful licensing agreements. And unfortunately, I can't just have this as a simple statement. "Hey fucktard, if we don't have the rights to the team in that market, please don't use the name on the display." No, I have to do some bullshit write up that keeps things "professional" because at this level people aren't getting paid to swear.

-It is imperative to remember that all Point Of Sale on this display must comply with the NFL's licensing agreements and the agreements of any team featured on the display. Please be sure to check with The Stormin Mormon if you have any questions about what; Point Of Sale material, NFL team merchandise, or NFL generic merchandise, you may want to include on your display. The enclosed diagrams and photos all include Point Of Sale material that has been approved for use in every market nationwide. The NFL and it's franchises, are the final say in this, and may need to be contacted for approval if any complaints should arise. The Licensing Agreements that have been made for the use of team names and logos, the NFL name and logo, and the Superbowl name and related logos (including XLII) are binding contracts that have cost millions of dollars. Please respect these investments while adding Point Of Sale to displays.

I don't think that's what I sent out verbatim (it was late yesterday) but it's pretty damn close.

So I finished designing the program yesterday, did a mock up of it (real life too, no Photoshop), and I moved 211 cases of beer around while integrating all of the P.O.S. When I was done I took photos, attached them to the email, and sent it out. Building the display took four and a half hours, I was tired, and I still had things to do. Damn...

Twenty minutes later I get a call, and I didn't look at the caller I.D.
I just answered it with my Bluetooth headset (I was still moving beer), and this is the conversation.

Unknown Male Caller - I don't say this a whole lot Stormin, but I am seriously impressed. Seriously impressed...

Stormin (No idea who this is so I'm looking at the caller ID as I respond) - Ya know what, I am really glad to hear that. (Seeing caller ID, the call is from the president of the beer company featured on the display... HOLY SHIT)

Prez - I just think this has to be one of the best display programs that I have seen in a long time. Superbowl or no Superbowl, this thing is amazing.

--- Note --- At this point, I think I could burn down the office where I work and get away with it. I've talked to this guy ONCE before and it was a brief meet and greet at a party a while ago. Here his is calling me personally to tell me this (and not letting it come down from his underlings to my boss, to me as would be the normal "AttaBoy" in this industry). This is a cool moment.

Stormin - Thanks. I really am glad that you like it.

Prez - Well, I wanted to let you know that I have forwarded my opinion along to all of the guys (prattles off a list of people that I'm sure I should know, but I did recognize a few names in there). I know that all of those names might not ring a bell, but those are our key account executives that deal with most of the retail chains in the nation. Display programs like yours are what I want them pitching. This is going to be on every desk, and featured at our Superbowl Kickoff meeting next week. I'd like you to make sure that you attend that one. I'll send you the info if you don't have it already.

Stormin - I was already planning on being their sir. (I was going to be sitting in the back... Goofing off probably, because those meetings are the biggest waste of my time.)

Prez - Good. Good. I'm coming into town for the meeting, and I want to make sure that I see you there.

Stormin - Then I'll see you in a week.

Prez - We'll have to have lunch. Thanks again Stormin, this thing you've put together is perfect.

Stormin - No sir, Thank You.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT... I think I just got that raise I was thinking about. ;-)

My Christmas Wish

2007-12-25T13:24:00.000-08:00

Just came true...

It's snowing like crazy...

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Remarkable

2007-12-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

So every once in a while you get a fortune cookie that must be discussed.

This is one of those times, but in order to make this into a coherent post I have to ad a back story to the whole thing, so here is how my day went.

After a week that was definitely overworking me (yeah, even by my sick and twisted definition of "overworked"), I planned on starting today a little later than normal and cutting out as soon as I had my work that I planned on for today finished. No extra tasks, no extra BS, I'd had enough of that this week already. Just a nine to five. In fact, not even nine to five. More like nine to three...

And in the beginning this looked like it would be possible. I had a ton of work that I wanted to do, but all of it should have been possible to do in the time that I had alloted for it.

Then someone was late. Which pushed a meeting back and put me behind.

Then another person was late, and put me even further behind.

And there was no end in sight to the cycle.

But, I put my mind to it and just began flying through work. Typing as fast as possible, keeping calls short, avoiding distractions, skipping lunch, and just busting my ass to get everything done. To relate it to something I love (but can't do thanks to my F'd up ACL) it's like sprinting at the end of a run. You're doing so much more, but you can see the end and so you make it work.

And then it was done, the day over, and I headed home. I changed out of my clothes (I can't sit around the house in a tie, it just doesn't work), and decided to take a HOT shower. Really hot. I find it to be the greatest way in the world to relax. And afterwards I sat down...

I could not have been paid to get up after that. And I was starving. So of course, the local Chinese restaurant is in my call log (like every man who lives by himself), and they deliver. Twenty minutes later I have a bag of delicious Chinese food at my house, and it was phenomenal.

And then there was my fortune:
BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

No Shit Sherlock. I am the future president of the world, and I also happen to control the flow of beer... (Which will be a party platform when I ~~usurp every world leader~~ run for office.)

But it's always nice to be reminded. :-)

Good to be home...

2007-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

Work is going to be a lot of fun over the next three weeks. Christmas, New Years, and the beginning of football playoffs.

I'll have a more comprehensive update soon.

Stormin

PS:
I used the phrase "I missed you" in a conversation with M.V.N.
Her response was all that I could have hoped for; "I missed you too. It sucked."

New Addition

2007-12-13T12:17:00.000-08:00

No, not the shite 80's R&B group. That was New Edition...

There has been a new addition to the Blogroll. That's the thing over on the right with all of the people who are somehow crazy enough to associate with me. And by associate with me I mean allow me to read their blog, and occasionally stop by to leave some witty comments here or call me a douche (not saying I don't deserve that one sometimes, just pointing it out). I'm sure in real life, we'd have nothing to do with one another...

Anyways...

Stop by and visit: Laughing Through My Chardonnay when you have a chance. Her posts are definitely funny, and involve drunk shenanigans. Definitely my prefered reader base ;-)

New posts below about my parents house and an UPDATE on M.V.N. so read on...

Thank God For Text Messaging

2007-12-13T11:45:00.000-08:00

And boo for the "Call Sender" option in the reply menu...

So instead of just going to bed, like I should have when I was hammered on great wine. I decided that I should text message M.V.N. before going to sleep. The following is the exact text of the conversation, thanks to the message log on my Treo:

S - "HEY, just wanted to say good night. Vacation has been a blast, and I am having way to much fun."

M.V.N. - "LOL, what have you and your parents been up to?"

S - "OH... MY... GAWD... I am d-runk... Someone take my phone away. My parents ordered wine with dinner. Lots..."

(Now we can all admit that I have an ellipsis problem. It is my way to indicate any pause in conversation longer than half a breath. I guess it comes from being from a bunch of old Germans who talk at autobahn speeds. If there is any pause, I must indicate that it occured, and I do it even when writing. Apparently this is magnified when I am drunk.)

M.V.N. - "I Heart You."

M.V.N. - "Where are you drunk at?"

S - "Reno. And I'm drunk. And I should shut up before I get into trouble."

M.V.N. - "You tard, I know you're in Reno. Where in Reno are you drunk?"

S - "Earlier, the steakhouse. My parents house, now. Just Let me water your plants..."

(That link should explain the comment, her and I laugh about it all of the time when people ask for favors or are staying at our houses.)

M.V.N. - "For the love of God, the boy is already watching your house, just let him water the damn plants. Somebody's got to do it."

S - "Hey, what are you doing Sunday? HINT: The correct answer is; "Having dinner with Stormin."

PHONE RINGS.

FUCK.

Of coure, my drunk ass picks it up.

The ensuing conversation is now a little hazy in memory. I think it was a little hazy at the time. All I recall is that I am having dinner with M.V.N. Sunday at 8PM, and I don't think I made to much of an ass of myself.

I'm sure that I did not say the words "miss you" even though I should have.

I am also sure that she is content with whatever our situation is because she's sent me messages almost every day since. So whatever I said, it didn't piss her off to much.

Posting From Your Parents House

2007-12-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

So posting while on vacation is a royal pain in the ass...

I think that it's not the fact that I can't post, that's easily done from my cell phone. But the problem is that I really want to read everyone else's blog, and I'm at my parents house, using their computer...

So I am not sure if I want all of your blogs in their history folder. It's like having your friends over, when you know that your family will wonder who you hang out with, and what's wrong with them. ;-)

Do I want my parents looking up somthing in their history and stumbling onto this post:

Luv Ya Steph

Or perhaps this gem:

One Classy Woman!

Screw it, I'm on vacation, and that should mean that I get to blog all day and not worry about anything else. At least, that's the way I'll spin it.

PS: Wordverifuckation is begining to sexually harass me. "RUFLICK " Sound's kinky....

In The Bag

2007-12-10T23:08:00.001-08:00

So perhaps it's the two and a half bottles of really good wine (thank you vacation, for allowing me to have a blast on a Monday)...

Perhaps it's the Two Thousand Miles...

Perhaps it's the lack of sex in the past four days (I'm only human)...

I really want to call M.V.N. and just tell her that I miss her something terrible, and can't wait to see her when I get back.

And I don't think it's the sex, or the wine (Opus One will do crazy things to you). I'm worried that the lack of her due to the two thousand miles actually has me missing her.

Or maybe I'm just tanked to the gills on great wine. You be the judge...

For The Baster

2007-12-08T19:35:00.001-08:00

So JodiFosterTurkeyBaster has been absent from the Blogosphere for some time, but I know he stops by to read from time to time. This is for him:

TNT had a Steven Segal marathon on today.

Merry F'in Christmas

2007-12-08T18:30:00.001-08:00

Here I am on the second day of my vacation, and I decided to get a few Christmas cards for the people on my list that can't recieve an obscene Christmas card (which is what most people get).

The usual people are on this list...

Clients I like, and actually give a damn about.
Family that won't laugh at a joke about Christmas.
My Mom... (She'd laugh, but Christmas is worth letting her know how special she is. I send Dad the dirty cards.)

And while looking at cards, which every real man hates to do, I see a card that ruins my holiday spirit for the time being.

The "Hannah Montana Musical Christmas Card"...

Son of a bitch. Here I am trying to think about kindness and giving, and Billy Ray Cirus' kid is on the front of a damn Christmas card, that plays one of her damn songs.

Vacation Prep

2007-12-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

Holy Shit...

I am just now finishing up work.

It is 11PM.

I've been at it since 5AM.

Boy I can not wait for this vacation. It's almost to the point of not being worth it.

Shockingly Loud

2007-12-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

So this morning has already been an eventful one. My alarm went off at 5AM, which is shockingly loud when one is sound asleep, and for some reason I could not convince my body that it wasn't 3AM.

Really...

I don't know why...

The natural evolution of being up at 3AM must be to want to go back to sleep, but this isn't what I wanted. I just thought that it somehow must be 3AM and I wasn't going to be convinced otherwise. So I looked at my phone, my clock, my watch, and then turned on my computer. Every one of these devices alerted me that the correct time was in fact 5AM.

So here I am drinking coffee, typing on my blog, and thinking about my vacation that is coming up. I had decided that if I am going to be on vacation I may as well take Friday off because that day is useless when you have vacation coming up. So when scheduling my flight I managed to pick one at 8AM Friday morning... Take that, fools at work. By the time anyone might realize that they need me around I will be in Nevada.

So now I am realizing that today is my Thursday, tomorrow is my Friday, and Friday is not going to exist... And suddenly all of the crap that I have to do is falling into a very short period of time.

That and the small fact that I better do as much of it as possible today, because knowing that tomorrow is my Friday means that I'll probably slack tomorrow. ;-)

I'm so proud...

2007-12-02T18:41:00.000-08:00

This Site Rated "R"

I was worried that I would get a PG-13... Nope.

Mom's lock up your daughters. Dads hope you raised your sons right.

This bitch is not suitable for children...

(And posting this while hammered drunk with Miss Very Nice makes it all that much more fun. Read more below for why she kicks so much ass.)

An Anxiety To Post

2007-12-02T10:18:00.001-08:00

So having posted every day for a month, it was the most difficult day yesterday because I WANTED to post something. But alas, I am not Bret Favre, Cal Ripken Jr, or Doug Jarvis, and I do not need to post every day...

Today would have been a total sports recap, but I felt like posting during the Colts game...

Yesterday was a great day, another date with Miss Very Nice, who manages to amaze me with some pretty impressive behavior. Mostly her football knowledge. We spent the evening at a restaurant managed by a friend of hers, which was her idea because he REFUSED to charge us for anything... It gets better.

I am a huge football fan, and the "date" was us drinking beers, eating pizza (really good pizza too), and watching the Washington Huskies game on TV. Some notable quotes from the evening.

MVN: "OH, COME ON... MY EIGHTY YEAR OLD GRANDMOTHER KNOWS THAT'S PASS INTERFERENCE!!!"

Stormin: "I don't know why, but coming from you, that was sexy..."

MVN: "JESUS CHRIST, GET RID OF THE GOD DAMNED BALL LOCKER!!! Man this kid needs to work on his field vision. He couldn't find an open receiver if it was the only other player on the field..."

Stormin: "No Shit..."

MVN: "What? Why the look?"

Stormin: "It's just really cool that you're so into football."

MVN: "See this is why Brennan is a legitimate Heisman candidate. His team was getting the crap kicked out of them and he kept his poise and is leading them back. That and the whole 'ridiculous talent' thing... Completeing over two thirds of his passes is half of his games this season, 3500 yards, and a shot at 40 touchdowns... Fucker."

Stormin: (To myself) "Wow." (Outloud) "Yeah, I was thinking that too."

And then the coup de grace, right after Locker threw the interception to end the game. It was a pass that would have generated a tie and the game would have gone to overtime (had the pass been complete and not intercepted)... Which made it the Huskies coup de grace...

MVN: "And just like that, we 'COUG'D IT'."

Watching her watch football is definitely the most fun date that I have ever been on...

Day Thirty

2007-11-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

And just like that, we made it.

Some amazing feats went into making NaBloPoMo a reality.

I posted with my phone from Vegas for four days. Some of those were rather drunken days, but I still posted.

I kept the sports posts to a minimum, which I though was going to be the hardest thing to do. Normally if there is nothing else to talk about, there is something involving sports...

And I posted every day in the month of November. The one thing that I had to do to make it count, and with this post I manage to pull it off.

Eleven months until next November... I'm already looking forward to it.

Day Twenty Nine

2007-11-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

So I am sitting here wondering what the hell is up with Bryant Gumbel being an NFL announcer?

Seriously. It's 5:45PM and this S.O.B.'s voice is all but putting me to sleep.

Many people at work put money on this game, with Dallas giving up six and a half points...

My money is on the Pack to win. But as far as work is concerned, I took the points for $200. We make it worth while when gambling about stuff at work.

Unless you happen to be with the state gambling commission. In that case, the betting is all hypothetical, we would never gamble on sports at work.

:-)

GO PACK!!!!!!!

Day Twenty Eight

2007-11-28T20:58:00.001-08:00

So with the end of the month fast approaching the one thing on everyone's mine must be ~~original post titles~~ the fast approaching Christmas holiday.

Here's a list of thing that I will, and will not be doing this holiday:

1: I will buy a tree. I am so far out of line on this one. Normally this is up the day after Thanksgiving and now here I am almost a week after the holiday and I haven't gotten a damn thing done.

2: I will keep Egg Nog in the fridge at all times. I know that you don't have to drink this only during the holidays, but I sure as hell can't think of a reason to pour out a glass of this stuff in July...

3: I will not be getting wasted on Egg Nog and ruining it for the rest of my life. This is the whole problem with St Patty's day and the Irish Car Bomb... I can't drink these at any time of year except on St Patty's Day, because of how trashed I got on them a couple years back. It takes 364 days to forget that feeling of just being wrecked.

4: I will do my best to buy gifts for my clients that I feel have done their best to do their best for my company's brands. And in the spirit of the season I will be down right nice to the people that I feel have been nothing but pricks all year. But I sure as shit will not be buying them a gift.

5: I will REMEMBER to call my family on Christmas. Thanksgiving was an 8 o'clock (PM) memory... I think that I have to do better than that on Christmas.

6: I will not eat any fruit cake, for any reason. Every holiday season I get talked into a single slice and then immediately remember why I hate that shit. And it's the same thing every time; "but mine is really good," and IT ISN'T... It's SHIT.

7: I will not hate the holiday because of the incessant over playing of Christmas music. Every year the damn "holiday rotation" pushes me right to the edge and it's a dangerous battle to not be the Grinch.

8: I will not be concerned only with work up until the last minute. I do have to go into work on the 24th for a few hours, but I am not going to get so wrapped up in it that I forget about the holiday.

9: I will not cancel of reschedule my vacation. It's in two weeks (well, more like nine days) and I am not going to miss it. I may not leave town... Thinking about hiding in my house... Probably playing Rock Band for days...

10: AND FINALLY - I will not blog every single day. Maybe every other day. Maybe...

Day Twenty Seven

2007-11-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

I think this officially is the longest consecutive streak of blog posts for me in three years (counting the old blog, but I think I get to, as technically it all was "If It Was That Simple").

Not that any of them contain any real substantive info, but at least I have managed to burn the calories that the typing requires, right?

The knee was killing me today (t-minus 2.5 months until I feel sure enough about my job being covered that I can take the time off to get it fixed), and then my idiot boss decides to lay into me about something that wasn't my fault and I could not fix.

I cut her off, and said one very simple thing. "Hey, I didn't fuck that up, and if I had, I MIGHT sit through this lecture. But last time I checked, that wasn't my job and I can't affect the people who do that job, so save your fucking tirade for them."

I think that may have pissed her off a bit. Good. Serves the bitch right.

In retrospect perhaps telling her to "save her fucking tirade" might get me a bit of a scowl from her boss if she presses the issue, but I really don't care. I'm playing hurt, and still doing a better job than anyone else on my team (which is the reason that I don't want to take three weeks off).

They're damned if they let me get away with it, because it asserts my power over the people who are sure that they have power over me...
They're damned if they do even the slightest thing about it, because then I take three weeks that they have to give me at any time I ask, and they're even more screwed than if they had just let me do whatever the fuck I want.

I'm bulletproof.

Or at least bullet resistant...

Unfortunately I am not tired resistant, and I am off to bed. G'nite all.

Day Twenty Six

2007-11-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

So, to clarify for Megan, these creative blog titles are the result of NaBloPoMo, which is a good time but I'm burning up all of my creativity with these posts every day. So the titles just get the back seat to glorious posts.

That may be debatable...

It took all of a single day for me to realize that life would not be complete without the Rock Band game, so after some perusing I actually found it locally "second hand" in an unopened box and for right at what I would have paid after sales tax. I think it's costing me nine bucks more... Big deal, I'm paying it.

In response to my quest to play more video games, I am now sitting here doing more work that I could pass on, but I feel the need to be responsible. So I am hammering out some spread sheets for the people that work for me detailing their work for the next three months... I might as well get it all done ahead of time.

Day Twenty Five

2007-11-25T15:11:00.000-08:00

So today I am so hoarse that I can barely speak. That is my punishment for being out screaming about football for hours. Thank god the Colts already won on Thursday.

I spent the morning playing Rock Band over at a friends house, which I now feel is the greatest party game ever thanks to the two guitars, drums, and microphone set-up. Four people playing at once, and all of us having a great time. I decided that I wanted to buy it, and the damn game is sold out everywhere.

I couldn't find a copy of it in Washington state after scouring the internet and making a few phone calls. So of course I though that E-Bay would have been a viable option. It was... But I have no desire to pay more than the standard list price for the game, regardless of how popular it has become. So I guess that I'll just wait until after Christmas when I'm sure there will be a hundred copies at every store, and no lines...

Day Twenty Four

2007-11-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

So it really turned out to be one of those "buckle the fuck up and hold on" kinda days.

Today was the Apple Cup, a football game between The University of Washington Huskies, and The Washington State University Cougars which is a tradition that goes back 100 years. Exactly 100 years this year. It's a traveling game, alternating back and forth between schools every year. This year the dirty Cougars traveled to Seattle to take on my beloved Huskies.

The game is intense every year, and the Centennial Game was a huge deal. So the partying had to get underway early. The game was at 4PM...

So we started the tailgating at 9AM...

Tailgating is a football tradition in every city, and up at the UW we do it right. The Tyee parking lot is full of people, pop-up canopies, barbecues and various other wonderful cooking apparatuses, and beer. We kicked it off something FIERCE today. Usually the game is around 1PM, so we had an extra three hours due to the 4PM start to get the party going right.

The following are personal stats of mine from the game:

Beers consumed BEFORE the start of the game - 15
Footballs thrown around the parking lot (remember I have a torn ACL) - 4
Bowls of Chili consumed - 3
Bratwursts consumed - 3
Number of ass smacks given out, followed by "good game" - To many to count...

We ended up losing the game in the last minute by giving up a ridiculous touchdown. Everyone was far more muted after the game. I am so tired, I have lost my voice, and I think I might have tweaked my knee a bit. It's not really bending well.

In closing, the following clip has had me laughing for the past two days, so I had to post it. It's not work appropriate due to the profanity and racial jokes, but if you're anything like me, that doesn't stop you from laughing about it.

Day Twenty Three

2007-11-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

So here we are on the twenty third day of the month, and I can already see myself getting sick of Christmas music soon.

I went out today shopping. Bought some groceries, Guitar Hero Three, and did not find a Christmas tree...

I did not make it into work. Shocking. I also did not bother to call anyone informing them of that fact. I think that they will be OK without me for a single day.

More tree searching tomorrow. ;-)

Thanksgiving Day

2007-11-22T22:18:00.000-08:00

A minor break from our NaBloPoMo post titles...

T-Day has been great. There has been so much deliciousness consumed, the TV has been screamed at (GO COLTS!!!!), and the dishes are even done...

We're all sedated in the living room, sitting around telling fun stories, and winding down.

The dinner was remarkable. As I have no family in this state, a good friend adopted me and I spent Thanksgiving with him and his family. It was a blast. He warned me that it would be a crazy and fun time... He was right.

Tomorrow I have to feign interest at the office for somewhere around 4-5 hours, and then it's two more days off.

Why my company can't just admit that the Friday after Thanksgiving is useless is beyond me. But we'll all show up, screw around, and call it a day early.

Hope everyone had a great day.

-Stormin Out

Day Twenty One

2007-11-21T16:52:00.000-08:00

My most favorite statement in the entire world: "I didn't say that..."

I swear to God, the world has become a place where every business conversation needs to be recorded, and every call taped.

I spent the entire day working on a program that was set up for a major retail chain to go into action at all of their stores I oversee on December 1st (OK, November 30th, as the first is a Saturday), and things were going smoothly. They were until the District Manager of these stores put his F'ing opinion into the picture. "I don't think that it should look so 'beer party.' I just want it to be more tasteful." This (like Monday) happens to be another case of stores wishing that they were more "upmarket."

I don't care about "upmarket" in a majority of grocery chains... I'll make that clear right away. Do I shop at Metropolitan Market, Whole ~~Paycheck~~ Foods, and Nordstrom? Yes, of course I do, but I can afford to do so and expect to PAY MORE for the service that I expect while there. It's the same thing as the car. I may pay more, but I expect the service that comes with it. My dealers service department knows me by name and has a loaner ready for me when I arrive, my shoe guy knows my size and my tastes (never brown shoes, for any reason), and my butcher knows that my Bone-In Rib Eye Steaks need to be an inch and a half thick... Just some examples of the many reasons I love where I shop...

The chain in question is not one where I would say people expect that level of service. It's a huge retailer, but they happen to run killer pricing and serve a huge market. That's their game, and they're good at it (and no, it isn't WalMart, I'd quit).

In short, they are a kinda "beer party" market, and so we designed a "beer party" kinda promotion...

And everything was going fine until the area manager that I deal with in setting up the beer programs heard that his DM did not like the concept. Meeting with the two of them at the office the exchange went as follows:

DM: "I just think that we should have had a little more communication between you and Area Manager about this program and taking it to the next level before we were this close to it kicking off."

Stormin: "I agree that communication about something of this size is key. AM and I spoke about this several times, and both came to the conclusion that it offered an attractive way to inspire customers to purchase more beer for their holiday celebrations."

AM: "I never said that... I said that we could look into using it as a base to improve upon."

At this point Stormin had to suppress what it known as "The Killing Urge." Or in the least, try not to call him a lying sack of shit...

Stormin: "I do recall that we talked about this a bunch, but I don't remember you asking for changes."

AM: "Well..."

DM (Cutting Off AM): "I think that it's a good place to start. Can we work with this initial merchandising idea and take it a bit more upmarket? Perhaps using the initial concept, but work on adding a bit more classiness to it?"

At this point I want to say, "Of course, spend more of our money to increase your sales, why not right?" But I had to say:

Stormin: "I'd bet that this could be worked into exactly what we need with a bit of creativity. Let me work on it over the weekend, and I will see you with it on Monday."

Because if I had said anything else, we would have had to scrap it and start fresh. So now I am going to be "brain-stormin" all weekend about how to rework the program while maintaining some kind of budget... And what gets me upset are three little things.

1: Why is it that a store feels such a need to be upscale in their programs when they aren't catering to that crowd. They aren't going to be stealing any WF or Met Market customers any time soon, so why bother trying to sell that to people that are happy shopping there because the store is not that type of retailer. It's not as if they are encouraging that type of service, just the look. It's a $10,000 paint job on a $5,000 car (metaphorically speaking, in case someone missed that)...

2: Why do they have no concept that increased spending on our part only leads to increased prices for them in the end, because we have to make that money up somewhere (again, we aren't talking small dollars here, but it's spread across a large volume of product)? We aren't just going to go over budget on a program and eat that loss...

3: Why can't that sack o' shit AM at least own up to the fact that he did like the program. It's one thing to see something for the first time, and ride your boss' coat tails with a negative opinion. It's another thing to not back up what you initially said and change the story at the last second. I'll certainly be getting him back for that one...

Day Twenty

2007-11-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

So the big deal today is the return of the douchebaggery of That Guy at the office in a big way.

He was adamant today about our company's "Open Door Policy." It's basically the whole "we want everyone to feel welcome" concept and our execution of it. Everyone's door is always open in case someone needs to come by and talk about something. And 99% of the time it makes perfect sense. But there are moments when the rule must be bent in order to accommodate practicality.

Today I was on a conference call with some people from California and one person from France. (Well, the guy calling form France was a Californian too, he just happened to be in France.)

This is one of those moments when the "open door policy" is impractical and stupid. I need to be uninterrupted in the whole call because it is taking up the time of some very important people and saying, "What was that," over and over again is downright rude. So I shut my door during the call.

Apparently at that very moment, That Guy desperately needed some information from me, and instead of calling, emailing, putting up smoke signals, or sending me a text message, he had to stop by. The door was shut and without knocking, he attempted to open it... But I had thought about that eventuality and had locked my door. So of course I had a bit of a chuckle in my office when I heard him run into what he thought would be an open door, but thought nothing of it.

After my call I had four voicemails... Three of them from That Guy (which I saw on my caller ID and ignored), none of which requested the information that he needed, but all asking about my door being locked. Then one from our H.R. department asking me to stop by. I am totally unafraid of them (unlike most people) and so of course I head right over.

The entire thing was basically; "Why would you violate a very clear policy about making others feel welcome?" But then followed by, "That Guy had a very important question that you're paid to know the answer to, and he had to wait to finish his work because of it."

I wanted to call him every foul word I could think of, but instead let it go. I just explained what had happened, the conference call, and that I was taking up the time of some very important people.

HR Lady: "OH... That's actually a really good reason. Sorry to drag you down here. Can you let him know why you had your door closed?"

Stormin: "Yeah, I'll get right on it."

Stormin to That Guy five minutes later: "Hey, next time you have a question that is more important than an international call, let me know..."

That Guy: "Well I was just trying to make sure that you were aware of the policy that we have open doors BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

I shut his door as I walked away from his office...

Day Nineteen

2007-11-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

So it has been a day of wonderful things.

-A guy who works for my "forgot that he had to be in today..." To bad I can't tell payroll to forget that he works here.

-A retail chain criticized a program that I set up because the Point Of Sale that went along with it didn't have "the look they were hoping for." When I asked about the look that they wanted, the response was fast. "More, 'Saks Fifth Avenue.' Make it look luxurious and expensive." This is a program on which we spent almost triple what our competition did with their promotions and was so favored by the corporate management that they declared it the only mandatory merchandising program of the quarter... But hey, they need it to be more expensive...

-A different branch of the same retail chain called me to tell me how great the new set up in the beer department looked. I was in such a foul mood that I had to fake joy at the compliment (that I really should have been happy about). I just wanted to say; "Hey, how about you give douchebag at the other store a call and let him know that. I damn well hope it looks good, I designed it."

-The guy who "forgot" shows up at ONE PM... He is done by 5:30PM...

-I leave work at 7:00PM, having started at 6:00AM.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I don't even want to do anything, I just like the resting part of the day, but I already promised a friend that I would come to his celebration. It should be a great time.

Day Eighteen

2007-11-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

So day eighteen certainly was productive. I spent the entire day working and got a ton done. I think that I am planning to take Friday off because of all of the time that I have put in with the extra Sunday at work.

But hey, my Colts won and so I am happy. It was way to close for comfort, and I think that we are seriously in need of improvement before the playoffs, but something like half of the team is injured...

More tomorrow kids. I'm heading out to dinner.

DAY 17

2007-11-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

So I guess that I'm a lazy bastard. Today has been me desperately trying to get some rest during my one day off...

Tomorrow is going to be a whole day at work, and I don't give a damn if I am going to take Thursday off. Tomorrow is going to be a whole day at work...

Stormin Out...

Day 16

2007-11-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

Yes, you will all be suffering though another fourteen days of these crappy post titles, but I am addicted to their ~~lack of~~ simplicity and so I think that I will keep it up.

I'm here today to present spy shots of a product not yet available on the market. And it's not THIS CRAP, which happens to be wrong in so many ways that I can't even begin to describe my loathing (not clicking on that link causes things below to not make sense, so I do recommend it). And that's disregaurding the whole "direct competitor" thing.

So here it is:

That's right people, Rockstar Roasted. The greatest thing to happen to coffee since Juan Valdez!

And now that I have bashed our only competitor, I'd like to explain why...

1: Can Labeling - Note that all of our flavors here are clearly described. Even the fact that we happen to have a "Light" variant, and what makes it light, is clearly labeled. The competition? Nope...

2: Brand Unity - Why the hell they put the Coffee (and at that "Java") first on their can is beyond me. It's a classy looking can, and then they shove their company name to the basement on the label. What gives? Our name is right at the top, where it belongs. We want people to pick this up because it says Rockstar. We know that the liquid inside will keep them coming back.

3: Flavor Selection - As if some BS like having to compete with "Mean Bean" isn't enough, at least we chose flavors that people know. I will admit that Seattle is a huge coffee market (top three in the nation volume wise, though if you break to "per capita" I think we're number one) so we have an edge here over other markets at launch. But even if the city I'm in happens be a bit more savvy than some others, "Latte," "Mocha," and Light Vanilla" all happen to convey flavor concepts that people WANT when ordering coffee regardless of where they're ordering it.

4: Brand Base - Out here Rockstar outsells Redbull. Nuff said...

5: Taste - I've had the Java's, and I have to say that these kick major ass in the flavor department. The coffee is the predominant flavor, with no harsh "energy drink kick" at the finish. Not overly creamy, but with a true espresso taste. (And about triple the caffeine, with all of the other Rockstar goodness thrown in.)

So look forward to seeing this stuff sometime in mid-December at a store near you. I'll be drinking it so much (it's really tasty) that I'll probably be sick of it by then... But all of my cans say this:

Let me know what you think when you try it. I'm already making cold and blended iced drinks with Baileys, Kahlua, etc... They are MONEY.

Day Fifteen

2007-11-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

So here we are back to full fledged blogging thanks to a quick recovery by the good people at Gateway. Normally I won't plug to many products on the blog, but they came through fast, and so I'll give them props. Anyone that manages to get my stuff back to working in a single day is fine by me.

In other news, work is a zoo thanks to Thanksgiving and the delightful collection of nightmares left for me while I was away in Vegas last week. This week has certainly kept me busy, and halfway through the month I am already thinking about Christmas. Mostly because it is tradition to begin the tree picking out, cutting down, and decorating the day after Thanksgiving. This mostly means that there will be a large thing in my living room for a month and a half, and that I will need to find new and inventive ways to keep the damn dog from drinking all the water. The suggestion of a fake tree was brought up by a coworker and that was shot down real fast. The only reasons to not have a REAL TREE up are as follows:

1: Allergy to pine pollen or rosin.

2: You're Jewish (I know a few people who like the tree as a holiday symbol and put one up anyways.)

3: You're Muslim (I don't know any Muslims who put up a tree anyways, but I can't see why they couldn't)

4: You're a Jehovah's Witness. (This is one of the reasons that me and The Witnesses don't get along. Come on, CELEBRATE!)

5: You have burnt down the house recently enough that the request for a real tree is still a bit of a sore subject.

That bunny being on the floor always makes me smile... It's the real victim in that fire. ;-)

So in a week (and a day) I will be hiking through a field with a saw, it will probably be raining, and I will be having a great time.

Day 14

2007-11-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

So, my computer's power supply is totally dead.

I'm stuck with mobile blogging until the bastards at Gateway fix this thing. Which has been making me mad all day.

It's not like I have no other computers. I have two.

But those are work machines, and I have no desire to connect the dots between work, and my blog.

I'll keep hammering out BS on my mobile. At least in Vegas I got used to it.

Day Thirteen

2007-11-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

So I guess that the saying, "There's no place like home," is really the truth. I already miss the constant party and apparently infinite energy that Las Vegas somehow imparts, but I am so glad to be home.

A total recap is in order, but first, I have to talk about what happened when I got home. Miss Very Nice and I met up and went to the Seahawks game together. Great seats courtesy of work, and we had a great time. I had kinda sworn her off (at least two people reading this are shaking their heads at me), but it was nice to come home to someone familiar, and I really do enjoy being around her. The Seahawks game was great, the stadium packed and loud, and hanging out after the game was a good time too. I got to bed after midnight, and that is a whole lot harder to do AFTER Vegas than while in Vegas.

And now for the recap. My trip, by the numbers...

Number of times that the Concierge showed up at my room for SOMETHING - 4

Number of times that housekeeping stopped by to clean up - 8

Number of plates brought by room service to serve ONE MEAL - 5

Number of times that they brought that many plates - 3

Number of hours that I slept in four days - 8

Number of Rockstars / Rockstar and Vodkas that I drank - 18

All said, it was the most amazing vacation that I have ever been on.

Day 12

2007-11-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

And just like that, I am on the way home.

A comprehensive post about the trip will follow, but I am just worn down. I get back into town at 2:30PM, and I'm supposed to be at the Seahawks game at 5:30PM...

Wow what a trip this has been.

Screaming In Vegas...

2007-11-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

ADAM VINATERI IS A SON OF A BITCH...

Day 11 (Which is mostly about Day 10)

2007-11-11T00:40:00.001-08:00

So this one has been eventful. And it's only a few minutes old.

After playing Craps with Phil Ivey (I still am not sure if I'm spelling that right) I had a huge reception and dinner with 500 of my closest work friends. And by work friends I mean people who have my job all over the country. Our commonality is our brand...

The company was a bunch of phenominal people.

And dinner was amazing.

To start, lobster bisque with ostreta caviar and creme fraiche (sp? it's amazing how much I need spell check on my phone, and even in French, feel free to point out errors in the comments). Simply fantastic.
Wine: Sterling Napa Sauv Blanc

A mixed green salad with the thickest balsamic I have ever seen on the top. Just a light drizzle of vinegar easily twice my age. And a very small amount of good olive oil.
Scrumptious.
Wine:Canoe Ridge Chardonnay

Roasted Kobe beef tenderloin with demi glaze and baby vegetables.
Wow. That beef was capable of being cut with a fork. Perfect medium rare in the center. I'm getting worked up just thinking about it... Easily the best beef I have ever had, and well worth whatever it cost.
(UPDATE: OK, so I called and asked about the Kobe beef tenderloin at the steakhouse here. I had to know... $350 for the 10oz. portion we enjoyed.)
Wine: Sagelands Cabernet

For desert, the most incredible dark chocolate torte, with espresso ice cream. They went to the troble of having paper thin wafers (you could almost see through them) of very dark chocolate made in the shape of our company's logo on one side, and our names on the other... Somehow desert topped the tenderloin just because it was so cool.
Wine: Chateau Y'Quem Sauternes

And we thought that could not be topped...

After a speach about our hard work with the brand, the progress we had made, and our goals for next year (The speach may have been a bit corny, but it is a "work event" and we have to act like we shouldn't be required to pay the taxes), they pulled back the curtains that split the room to reveal the poker tournament.

GAME ON. I was amped.

500 people at 50 tables. The buy in was covered and we each started with $1500 in chips.

I made it through the first round. Go me right? I'm sure that half of the people at the tables had no clue what was going on. But hey, one down and a few to go.

I got a few good deals in a row, took down some big pots, and I was into the fourth round, with 7 tables remaining.

A little slow play by me to keep the chips in check while I got nothing better than a suited 5-8 (clubs, and I made my flush) and I'm down to the final three tables.

I look down at my next hand and I've got a pair of kings. I'm in for $3000 with 4 other guys at the table... The flop comes down King, Queen, Ten and I check back to one guy who's been trying to play agressive all night. I guess it had worked so far for him that night. He goes all in. The next guys folds, and the third guy is all in right away... Before the second players cards made it back to the dealer.

I'm thinking that I may have to worry a bit, but screw it, it's fun, and I'm all in. Three men betting, and I'm the only one who can afford to lose (my bet covered the other two by six grand, as they were tied with $15,000 each). First guy turns up two Tens... Second guy a pair of Queens... My Kings hit the table and one guy (a friend from Idaho) who was spectating by this point actually yells out "That's how you play that shit Stormin. You're my boy blue!" Everyone broke up laughing. The next two cards were a five and an eight, and I took down $45,000 in one hand. WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!

That got a "When it's game time, it's pain time baby!" comment from my boss who was watching. The tables get condensed, and I'm part of the final ten with a good stack of chips. The final table... Sweet...

A few good hands, and I'm all in with pocket kings before the flop. $220,000 on the table... Son of a bitch catches running fives and I'm out. Motherfucker.

It was fun.

Day 10

2007-11-10T12:54:00.001-08:00

I just watched Phil Ivey (sp?) lose $50,000 playing craps. I was betting against him and won $500.

One of those moments where I had to realise that $50,000 to him is probably less than five bills is to me. It was a very cool time win or lose. The table was loud and all over the place with $1000 chips. He had stacks on his point, the six, the eight, the hard ways.

Threw down some cash on seven and he was DONE.

As for the rest of this weekend. I have had eleven Rockstars in the past three days, and slept a total of six hours... Vegas is definitely a different place.

Day... Still a bit lost

2007-11-10T04:31:00.001-08:00

So I just got home from the club. I think it's 4:30 AM

Maybe.

I'm not sure. I'm tired and it has been one amazing evening.

MAN DOWN will be a rallying cry at work for at least a half a decade or so.

Every once in a while a job has one of the moments where you appreciate everything about work... Seeing my boss' boss grind up on girls to "The Way I Are" (Timbaland) makes every minute of work worth while. But wait, there's more.

Tucking his drunk ass in a half hour ago was even better.

And I have spent (literally) $20 so far. In two days I've spent less than I spend in gas when I'm home.

So this post may be a bit random, but bear with me. I'm getting paid to party.

Love you guys.

-Stormin.

Day... I have no clue.

2007-11-09T23:21:00.001-08:00

We have been partying our asses off. But I recall my NaBloPoMo obligations...

So this is like... My cheating and posting nothing but somehow getting away with it.

Love you guys.. (LOL. Totally not that drunk.)

-Stormin

Day Eight or is it Nine

2007-11-09T00:41:00.001-08:00

So I have no idea what time it is, but the Wynn is beautiful.

My suite is nicer than my house.

More random things later. Now I need to get a bit of sleep to make golf tomorrow.

Day Eight

2007-11-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

VEGAS!!!

More to follow later today. I have cut out of work and am on my way to the airport. Hooray mobile blogging.

Day Seven (Part One)

2007-11-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

OK.

So yesterday I did one thing on that list I made. I worked my ass off.

I did that today.

I did that the day before yesterday.

I'm starting to feel that vacation is somehow just a way to advocate the four day sixty hour work week. Of course, this trip is work, so I guess that it is advocating working through the weekend. Oh well, I'll deal.

That said, I have so much to do around the house, that I may need to make a new list...
Off I go to do it now.

Dave Seven (Part Two)

2007-11-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

Ok.

Looks like mobile blogging works.

-Laundry- Check
-Packing- Check
-Mobile Blogging- Check
-Work 40 hours in three days- Check

Looks like I'm almost ready for Vegas.

Day Six

2007-11-06T17:19:00.000-08:00

So here I am two days before my Vegas excursion and I have done almost nothing to prepare for the trip itself.

I still have to do laundry. After all Vegas requires some clean clothes. I will have to take two days worth of business clothes just for dinner Friday and Saturday, clothes to go out to the club in, clothes for golf, and then casual clothes for the time that I am not at any of the previously mentioned events. I think I will have about seven complete sets of clothes with for a four day trip. And four pairs of shoes... This does not bother me.

I still have to pack. This one isn't just the obvious stuff. I need to pack my golf shoes, gloves, balls, and various trinkets. My rental clubs are covered, but they don't rent all of that other stuff while you're there. I need to pack my laptop, PSP, Nintendo DS, cell phones (yes, I have two) and all of their chargers. My knee brace and Percocet also must make the trip. And then the various toiletries that won't be at the hotel (shaving cream, aftershave lotion, cologne, razor, etc...) while accounting for the TSA and their fascination with denying large amounts of any liquid on planes, by making sure that I don't have to large a container of hair gel or something. Last time they threw away a brand new tube of gel for me. This time I won't be sacrificing $20 for their odd fantasy that I am somehow a terrorist.

I need to clean the house. I don't know why, but I like coming home to a perfectly clean house. I mean NOTHING left to clean... I guess that it just makes the segway from vacation back to normal life easier when you don't get home and feel the need to do anything for at least 12 hours.

I need to prep the people that work for me... This is going to be like a teacher telling the kids to behave and work while they go into the hall for a moment. Not a damn thing will be done while I am gone, and I know that I will come home to more work than I normally have when I am here... So what, I'll at least enjoy my weekend.

I need to print out all of my emails confirming everything for the trip. Nothing like the pain in the ass of trying to show a reservation agent your phone so that she can read the email with your confirmation number. I learned this one years ago the hard way, and now take printed copies of everything with just in case. That and, God forbid, I could manage to kill both of the phones...

And I'm sure that there is more for this list that I just somehow have not mentioned. Little things that I have forgotten about (set up mobile blogging so that I can email in my posts maybe) which will pop up in the next thirty six hours.

You may ask, well why are you wasting time typing this instead of actually working on that list?

Well kids, in order to get ahead at work so that things will go as smoothly as possible while I am going, I was up at 2:00AM this morning, and I am so tired that at 6:00PM all I want is sleep. But NaBloPoMo waits for no man's rest, so here's the post, and I'm off to bed.

Day Five

2007-11-05T16:11:00.000-08:00

So, I have so many issues to blog about that I am having serious issues segregating them into separate, coherent, meaningful (maybe?) posts for the blog. And with NaBloPoMo in full swing, I may need to make sure that these things last...

Today's selection from the insanity? THAT GUY at the office, and his rants about conspiracies. And yes, it is THAT SAME F'ING GUY... Now he knows more about the world than anybody else, and has discovered every evil plot currently in existence.

Today's Conspiracy: The Freemasons are trying to take over the world, and have buried their symbols into our culture in a effort to make this more acceptable.

The one that set me off about this one today was someone ranting to me (and this is someone that I work with) about the symbols on the dollar bill being Masonic symbols. The one that set him off was the massive amounts of "thirteens" on the dollar bill. Thirteen arrows in one of the eagles feet, thirteen leaves (and olives) on the olive branch in the other, thirteen layers in the unfinished pyramid, thirteen stripes on the shield, and thirteen stars above the eagle... He kept going on, there are more that I can't recall.

-Confession One- I'm a Freemason.

-Confession Two- I am trying to take over the world.

-Confession Three- Just because I am doing my best to take over the world, it does not mean that every other Freemason is in on it. The organization is about brotherhood, and community. If you need an organization that is doing their best to rule the world, look HERE. (And yes, that link's color is intentional...)

-Confession Four- When I used my time machine to go back into history and investigate these theories before lunch, I found one very common fact about the number 13 that had nothing to do with the Freemasons. Our country had 13 colonies that united to form ONE country. One republic from thirteen independent entities. Perhaps the commonality the 13's on our currency all share happens to have more to do with that, than a diabolical plan to take over the world... I would find the small pentagram hidden in the top right corner of the front of the dollar bill to be far more concerning.

So in closing, the Freemasons are not trying to take over the world by hiding symbols in currency and sponsoring the production of delightful movies with Nicholas Cage...

And there is no pentagram on the dollar bill either. But I bet you all planned on looking, didn't ya?

Day Four

2007-11-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

So I was way past right when I predicted that being home before midnight was going to be a challenge. Yesterday, and more specifically last night, was one hell of an adventure.

The work event I had to go to was great fun, it was the anniversary dinner for Whole Foods Seattle, and the entire night was spent talking about beer. We were the exclusive beer provider for the event, and apparently everyone there is just in love with our beer. We had a ton of people, went through a full keg, and I even managed to have three or four or five while at the dinner. Their plans for new developments in store were talked about, and they have some very cool ideas in the works. I must say that one of them is the coolest thing in the grocery buisness ever. But I can't talk about it... If you have a Whole ~~Paycheck~~ Foods near you, make sure to keep an eye on the beer in the next year. ;-)

After that was the lovely JennyK's birthday, which was conveniently planned to take place only a few blocks from the Whole Foods dinner (and totally just a random coincidence). It was a fantastic time. There was one person there that I can't stand, but he was smart enough to not look sideways at me, and so the night went well. As the night went on people slowly went home, and around midnigt even JennyK called it a night. It was just her brother, mother, cousin and I, all left at the bar and we were still carrying on at this point. JennyK's mom had TWO drinks, literally more like one and a half, and was pretty buzzed. It was entertaining. So the four of us were without the entire original birthday party group, and it dawned on us. Saturday night was the end of daylight savings time. At 1:59:59AM Sunday , the next second on the clock is 1:00:00AM Sunday morning, and the party gets to go on for another hour. As it only happens once a year, we had to take advantage of it.

Well JennyK's brother is very gay, and probably the most fun guy to party with in the city of Seattle. He knows everybody and is just a blast. So the plan is to leave the bar we were at, drive (yes, we had someone sober to drive) over to a new bar, and party for three more hours. And of course, Courtney (yes, his given name is Courtney) makes some calls, and off we go to a gay bar on Capital Hill in Seattle. We happened to end up at Manray, which makes any stereotypical gay bar look straight. Loud techno, with music video's playing along on what must be two dozen screens, and a ton of very gay men, with very few straight women sprinkled among the crowd. I make it sound like a bad time... It was hilarious fun.

Apparently I stick out like a giraffe in a pack of dachshunds as a straight man (this is a good thing, but it always makes me laugh) but that does make for a lot of fun at the gay bar. We partied until 2AM, and then everyone wanted breakfast. So off to the IHOP, and that place was PACKED. But there is nothing like a big plate of breakfast at 2:30 in the morning, and the food was the perfect end to the night.

Today I am already wearing the lucky hat, the football is right next to me, and it's game time in an hour and a half...

Day Three

2007-11-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

And already I am drawing a blank.

Well that's not entirely true. I'm just sitting here and rushing out a post before I have to leave the house. Tonight is a friends birthday, and I have some stuff that I needed to do with work before hand, so I am kinda hurried. And I would have typed this one out after arriving home, but I can't be sure that I'll be back before midnight, so here we are with the BS post that I was going to try so hard this month to NOT write. OOPS...

But at least I'm still on track.

Tomorrow my Colts play the hated New England Patriots so you all can expect a ridiculous rant about the outcome of the game, whoever wins, and I'll stick to my word that it will be the first of only four posts about football in the month of November.

Monday is going to be all together hectic. We have a major wine supplier coming into town later in the week, and since I am ducking out on Thursday to go to Vegas, all of the work has to be crammed into a smaller number of days.

Tuesday is going to be the most relaxed day of the week. I'm out visiting The Island, and will do my best to not take myself to seriously.

Wednesday is going to be more of the mad rush from Monday.

And on Thursday I guarantee you all that I am going to do no more than four hours of actual work. Maybe less... Because I'm going to be at the airport by 4, and in Vegas by 7. And then the real challenge in posting begins. I wonder if The Wynn has free WiFi?

Day Two

2007-11-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

So here I am, fully enjoying Friday with a cold beer or three, and planning what I am going to be doing in Vegas. The trip is next week, and everything is pretty well hammered out. So much so in fact that I don't really have a whole lot of free time while down there to tour around and "do the whole Vegas thing."

I'll do my best to get photos, and I WILL POST DAILY from Vegas, as NaBloPoMo doesn't happen to end with my vacation. :-)

Thursday I arrive, and we have a huge Welcome Ceremony from the beer people that are paying for this trip. Is the huge welcome just a way to kiss our asses right off the bat? Probably, but I'm not complaining. There will also be some beer related speeches to keep us focused on this being a work trip. That's important because I am not paying for a damn thing, so we must pretend that this is a WORK TRIP, and WORK RELATED so that I don't have to pay the taxes.

Friday we are golfing. Two consecutive rounds in a "Battle To The Death." They're spending over $500 a round per person on this golf outing, so we better be working really hard. I think that the knee is going to be hating me at the end of the day, but the only option that's not golf is going to the spa for the day to talk about beer and get massaged. I have a problem with a stranger touching all over me, so I'll just golf with the messed up knee. A beer or two and I'm sure I won't mind. Friday nights dinner will be held at Alex at The Wynn, so thankfully that happens to be where we are staying. A quick shower and a change will be necessary after 9 hours of golf.

Saturday we have a "meeting" that's going to be held over breakfast, and then we are off to play in a poker tournament exclusive to the members of the group. First prize is rumored to be $13,000 cash... If I win it, I'm blowing the money on something stupid. I expect this one to last all day and into the night. Saturday night we are going out to Pure where they happen to have reserved that entire VIP room. (Of course, we will be talking about beer the entire time, this is a business trip.)

Sunday, if I feel like getting up before noon, we have a second day at the spa available to ease things up before going home. I don't know if I will make it. The farewell is at 1PM, and then it's off to the airport to fly home. It is going to be one long weekend, and I think that somehow I won't be as happy with "real life" when I get home... Oh well, I'll live.

Day One

2007-11-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I had to go and pull a Greg Oden, and injury myself before NaBloPoMo even began.

On my way home from work I had to stop and check on some things. One of them was a beer cooler.

The latch on this fucker would not close. It was just doing it's best to be a bitch... But I am a persistent guy (read: stubborn bastard) and so I kept trying to get this door to latch. And with one last effort, I forced the damn thing as hard as I could, and it clicked shut.
Milliseconds later, my hand slipped, my finger caught on the edge, and I ripped the finger nail off of the first finger on my right hand. And man does that bleed.

So here I am, and typing with nine fingers, but I'm still in the game damn it.

In other news from my day. My boss has gone and pissed me off something royal. She essentially complained about my not doing something that is clearly her job (as in, in her written job description), and then said that if my and my guys didn't step up, there would be hell to pay.

Who the fuck does this snag think she is? My shit is dialed. So well dialed in fact, that I have time to do her job too... But that's not what I get paid for. So until my company gives me a 20% bump in pay, I won't be doing one damn bit of her work. And I made that clear, albeit in a politer manner.

Snag Boss: "Do something that is clearly my job..."

Stormin: "SB, I think you'll have to get that one OK'd by your boss (whom we all call The Jackal), because I don't want to be stepping on any toes."

Snag Boss: "Well if it's not done, there will be some severe consequences..."

Stormin: "Well aware. But at the same time, if you have no idea of whats going on, how will you explain it to The Jackal? You have to be involved..."

That shut her up.

Anyways boys and girls. I am going to go lick my wounds. Hopefully tomorrow this finger feels better and I can hammer out a coherent post. Nite All...

Post Or Die

2007-10-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

Current Music: MC Hammer - "U Can't Touch This"

(You wish I were fucking kidding... And I am not. I miss good rap like this. They didn't rap about shooting anybody. No drugs or gats or grillz. Just fun.)

So today was the new "long day at work" record. I'm not even going to go into how long or why. It's enough to say that I am madder at my new boss than I have ever been at anyone in recent memory. If someone whines enough to her, they get their way. Even if their way is stupid and wrong.

I do hope that leaving work at almost 10PM taught her that lesson. We have a meeting tomorrow, and I am so tempted to rub it in... SO TEMPTED.

"It's Hammer, Go Hammer, MC Hammer, Go Hammer, and the rest can go and play..."

And then we get Billy Joel - "You May Be Right" My all time favortie song.

So in forty five minutes it's here.

NaBloPoMo.

As the old saying goes: "Post or Die, Motherfucker!!!"

Of course it's a perversion of the video below, but I still love it.

NaBloPoMo

2007-10-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

Am I holding back for NaBloPoMo?

You bet your ass I am.

Tune in tomorrow for the kickoff of 31 days of BS.

;-)

The Weekend Awaits

2007-10-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is Friday, and we all know that happens to lead into my favorite time of the week.

Sorry for the delay in posting about something other than racing, it's not as if I have been just so depressed that I can't post (well, maybe a little), I've just been super busy.

I am having trouble finding the remaining parts of my Halloween costume. And we're getting close to them being very necessary...

The glasses are the hardest part, without a doubt. I was going to borrow a pair from a guy at work and just wear them sans lenses, but he is being to slow for my liking and I need them for the first party of the Halloween season on Friday.

Actually that's a half truth, because we already had the Pumpkin Carving Party at TimmyTim and JennyK's place last week. But the first costume party is on Friday.
And from there it goes like this: Party Friday (at "N's" place, for those who've been here a while, and yes Jazz, I know that I should not be going), Party Saturday, Sunday is God's day and him and I get together and watch football in our pajamas all day, Party Monday (And at the house of Voldemort nonetheless! Only TimmyTim gets that one, so more on it later), Party (birthday mask party) Tuesday, Halloween Wednesday...

And I've been busy working to line up all of the beer for these parties. It's easy to track down beer for 10-20 people. I can do that in an hour, and pay nothing. But here I am tracking down beer for almost 100. That takes a bit more time, and costs money (a little) or the expense of burning up favors that I may need later on in life. But alas, I know people with far greater problems than needing a lot of beer...

Then there is just the usual BS. I ended up getting a new boss that I am worried I will not get along with (she's kinda iffy on the "total bitch" scale), and she'll be here for a while. I am trying to establish what I consider to be "my territory" that she should just stay the fuck away from and let me work, but I have no clue as to whether or not she's bright enough to see the situation. My shit is dialed in woman, go bug someone else!

And there is more, but I think that that's something to save for another post...

Halloween pics will be up Saturday morning (maybe, if I make it home before the party Saturday night), then more from Saturday night, and then probably a post about Monday (I am not taking pics at Voldemort's house for any reason, but like I said, I'll explain that later), and Tuesday, etc... Keep checking back.

AND THEN...

November '07

NaBloPoMo round TWO. And I'm in.

A whole month of useless crap, and I PROMISE, only four posts about football TOPS. Maybe less. :-)

But there is some cool stuff too. I am going to have to find a way to post from VEGAS for four days in November... Should make things interesting! I may be blogging with my phone like last year in Reno.

The F1 World Championship

2007-10-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: Hey, it's the last race of the season, so if you hate reading posts about racing, just check back tomorrow. As for now, it's almost 6 months until I get to watch this again. My team is poised to take the championship

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Formula One World Championship will be decided today.

The good news is that two Mercedes Drivers currently lead the championship. Screw the whole Constructors Championship, Mercedes had their points (and their money) stolen, so they would have won this one as well, but it will go to Ferrari today...

But the drivers will fight for position all day. Holding nothing back, because there is no tomorrow.

By the time you read this, the race will already be decided. But I'm going to post along the way:

8:50AM - So right now they're going through who can win and how they can do it. Lewis Hamilton can finish in first or second, and guarantee the championship. If Fernando Alonso finishes in first with Hamilton in third, he wins (or any combination of Hamilton finishing behind Alonso by at least two places without a Ferrari car in the top two positions). And then how Ferrari can win the drivers championship, which gets complicated. Both Mercedes drivers have to finish low in the points (Hamilton lower than fifth, and Alonso lower than second) with Kimi Raikkonen winning, and Ferrari takes the Drivers and Constructors championship. It's the first time in over twenty years that three drivers could win the championship at the last race.

9:05AM - The track temperature is ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE DEGREES!!! The grid is lined up, the lights are on, TURN UP THE VOLUME!!!

LAP ONE - And they're off. I will miss that roar for six months. So much is going on that as fast as I can type, more things keep happening. The Ferraris both launched well and take an early lead. Alonso and Hamilton battle for third. Hamilton goes wide to overtake Alonso, and HE'S OFF THE TRACK. He's back on very quickly, but he's lost several positions and is back to seventh from fourth.

LAP FOUR - Man, the Ferraris are pulling away fast. They have to be running ridiculously low fuel loads to be this fast, this soon in the race. Kimi Raikkonen is battling for position with his own team mate Felipe Massa! Both cars are running laps at about 1:14, and every other car is running in the 1:15's. They have to be so much lighter to be a second faster.

LAP FIVE - Lewis Hamilton overtakes Nick Heidfeld in the BMW and moves into sixth. He is now in position to win the World Championship from this position.

LAP EIGHT - Hamilton's car has SLOWED. THE CAR IS DYING. THE CAR IS DYING. OH MY GOD... He's dropped out of the points, his car just sat at idle for almost half a minute. Hamilton switched it back to the "fail safe mode" (essentially the computer forces the car to run, breaking anything necessary to make it happen, his car will run until it dies, which could be at any moment), and he's running again.

LAP ELEVEN - Felipe Massa is holding the fast lap at 1:13:762. As his car gets lighter (the fuel being consumed) he is just going to get faster. He won this race last year, this is his home Gran Prix (he's Brazilian), and you know that he wants to take this one home for himself, and for Ferrari. He must be on the radio begging his team bosses to let him win this race. If Kimi Raikkonen finishes in second place, Fernando Alonso must finish lower than fourth, and Hamilton must finish lower than eight (out of the points).

LAP SIXTEEN - Hamilton has moved into eleventh place. He is still out of the points by three places, but he is faster than much of the field and in a machine that can do it. GO MERCEDES GO!!!!!!! FIFTH PLACE, YOU ONLY NEED FIFTH PLACE.

LAP SEVENTEEN - Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen have both dropped into the 1:12's. The Ferraris are SO FAST here in Brazil. Remember, the track is 145 degrees (63 degrees centigrade), and it is so hard to be fast in those temperatures.

LAP TWENTY - Massa pits... Raikkonen runs a 1:12.665 lap in response. He has put the hammer down to pull away from his team mate. Lewis Hamilton is running faster and faster, he's poised to set his fastest lap.

LAP TWENTY ONE - Raikkonen pits... Massa passes while he's in the pits and is not yielding the lead to his teammate. Ferrari CAN NOT ORDER Massa to let him pass. HE MUST DO IT ON HIS OWN!!!

LAP TWENTY TWO - Fernando Alonso pits. Four tires and a full tank of gas in EIGHT POINT SEVEN SECONDS. God that's fast! Hamilton is in behind him, and his car is re-tired and fueled in FIVE POINT SIX SECONDS!!!

LAP TWENTY FOUR - Adrian Sutil just rammed Anthony Davidson! It was an unintentional slide, but still will probably put cars out of the race. After the first Spyker car was destroyed on lap one (didn't type about it, I was furiously typing about the leaders) this is another horrible incident for the Dutch team.

LAP TWENTY NINE - Rubens Barrichello came along the outside of Hamilton and the rookie was forced to lock up the brakes to stop the car form ramming RB. He's dropped to TWELFTH... Push Hamilton, PUSH!!!

LAP THIRTY ONE - Toyota in the pits, and one of their pit crew has been hit as the car pulled in. He was rammed with a 1600lb car doing about 15mph. He's hurt, hurt bad. But the level of dedication is amazing. He pulled himself away from the front of the car (dragging himself with his arms) while someone rushed in to take his place! Then, once the stop was over and the car away, they helped him up and into the garage to be tended to by the medical crew.

LAP THIRTY THREE - Hamilton is hauling ass and up to ninth position. The track temp is DROPPING to 140 degrees and his car is getting faster. I need more coffee.

LAP THIRTY SEVEN - Heikki Kovalainen has slid off of the track in his Renault, and his car is DESTROYED. He is fine, and out of the car. He's waving to the crowd and sitting on the barrier wall. Frustrated, but OK. Massa still leads, with Raikkonen in second, Alonso in third, and Hamilton pushing his car HARD in ninth. ONE POSITION gets him into the points and puts him back into the hunt for the championship.

LAP FORTY ONE - Big block by Robert Kubica as Nico Rosberg tried to pass him. Rosberg had to lock up all four wheels and slide the car sideways to avoid him! Amazing block.

LAP FORTY TWO - Rubens Barrichello's engine has exploded as he tried to pull into pit lane. There is smoke everywhere and his season is over. For the first time in FIFTEEN YEARS of Formula One driving, Barrichello has failed to finish in the points in EVERY RACE... Tragic season for the veteran driver.

LAP FORTY FOUR - Felipe Massa slid on the last turn and has lost so much of his lead on his team mate Kimi Raikkonen. A full two seconds lost on that one slide, and Raikkonen is RIGHT ON HIS ASS. He wants this win more than anyone on the track, because he needs a solid victory to win the championship. Hamilton has advanced another position, and is in eighth. He's in the points. GO HAMILTON GO!!! TWO POSITIONS MORE!

LAP FORTY NINE - The Ferraris are still pulling away from the field. Felipe Massa is into the pits. SIX POINT ONE SECONDS, four tires and fuel, and Massa is out into second position. He's on the "supersoft" tires, and should be turning some amazing laps.

LAP FIFTY - Kimi Raikkonen's right front tire is not looking good. On the in car camera you can see that it looks like the tire is coming apart, and there was an incident at the Nurburgring two years ago where a tire disintegrated and destroyed the front of the car (a Merc). Everyone is worried about that tire holding together. Raikkonen is not coming into the pits. Probably to build a gap between him and his teammate Massa.

LAP FIFTY TWO - Raikkonen into the pits, he needs to be in and out of the pit lane in 24.7 seconds to stay ahead of his team mate. He's in, he's fueled LIGHTING FAST (5.2 seconds), and he's out. He's pulling along the lane, he has to follow the pit lane speed limit, here comes his team mate to pass him at over 240 kilometers per hour... Raikkonen is accelerating away from the pits, here comes Massa, and RAIKKONEN IS OUT IN FRONT OF HIM. By less than 100 meters he's out in first.

LAP FIFTY SEVEN - Hamilton is in to pit, and passed by David Coulthard. He's still stuck in eighth position. He's absolutely flying around this track, and has just set the fastest lap with a 1:12.500, but he is still so far back of seventh position. Everyone else is running in the 1:13's.

LAP FIFTY EIGHT - Fastest lap again be Hamilton. PUSH HAMILTON PUSH... The rest of the field is over half a second slower. There is traffic in front of him that is going to slow drivers four, five, and six. GO YOU BRITISH BASTARD GO!!!!

LAP SIXTY ONE - Nico Rosberg has managed to almost destroy Jarno Trulli (fifth and sixth), slowing both cars substantially. Both cars are unscathed but SLOWED immensely on that lap. David Coulthard has slid, he's slower as well. AND JUST LIKE THAT, HAMILTON IS PAST HIM... GO HAMILTON, GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

LAP SIXTY FIVE - Hamilton is in Seventh and with Raikkonen in First he will need two more positions to win the World Championship. Rosberg in front of him is hauling ass, and he does not look like he will have the time left in the race to catch the German in front of him. Raikkonen just set fastest lap, and barring a huge mechanical failure, he will win this race. But that does not mean that he will be the Champion...

LAP SIXTY SEVEN - Raikkonen just set fastest speed on track 315.2 KmPH...

LAP SIXTY EIGHT - Kubica (5th) and Rosberg (6th) are tying each other up fighting for position. Hamilton is less than ten seconds behind. If he takes them both, he is the World Champion. COME ON, PUSH THAT CAR!!!! (If you could only know how fast I am typing and how hard I am hitting these keys!)

LAP SEVENTY - Raikkonen is driving like a man possessed. Absolutely flawless. The race has been decided, he will win. But PLEASE GOD, LET HAMILTON PASS THE GUYS IN FRONT OF HIM!

LAP SEVENTY ONE - (From the finish line) Here comes Raikkonen, last corner, he has won the race. Here comes Massa in second (doesn't matter). Alonso in third... Hamilton in seventh... NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

It's all over, victory in the race for Raikkonen. Victory in the Constructors Championship for Ferrari. And in the most improbable manner, THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP GOES TO KIMI RAIKKONEN. The man has ALWAYS been a "bridesmaid." Six seasons in Formula One, Forty Seven race victories, and with his Forty Eighth he has finally won a World Drivers Championship. Before this, his had been consecutive second place finishes.

The man is celebrating, he's at the final weigh in (be DQ'd, PLEASE GOD DISQUALIFY HIM for being to light), but NO. He is the World Champion. In the most convoluted turn of events, he has executed the most improbable scenario and taken victory BY ONE POINT!!!!

Final Standings-

Kimi Raikkonen (Ferrari) - 110 Points - World Champion

Lewis Hamilton (McLaren Mercedes) - 109 Points (Tie Breaker over Alonso with higher average finishing position)

Fernando Alonso (McLaren Mercedes) - 109 Points (Breaking his streak of World Championships at only two in a row. Michael Schumacher's record of five will stand for a long time.)

And just like that Ferrari has taken it. Without shame I can admit that I am upset almost to the point of tears (OK, that's not really honest, there has been a tear or two)... As they hand him the trophy the church bells in Maranello (Ferrari's home town) are ringing as the people literally celebrate in town square, congrats Ferrari. ONE POINT.

I will be cursing that brief failure of the car on Lap Eight for six months. It cost Hamilton and Mercedes the championship. The fury of typing is gone, the disappointment is overwhelming, and just like that, at the last race of the season, what was all but guaranteed is gone. I know that some people don't know why there is so much emotion in this sport. But to be involved, you have to care. I've always said that second place is the first loser, and I stand by it... It hurts and it will be another year before we have a chance to take the Championship back.

It's been an amazing season. The best showing by a rookie driver ever. The former (now) World Champion BEHIND the rookie, in second, and on the same team. McLaren Mercedes being fined all of their Constructors Championship points and $100,000,000...

Wow.

What a year.

For those of you that made it this far, thanks for hanging in there. That was one intense post to write, and had to be one hell of a long read. I'm just drained...

A Little More Friday

2007-10-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

So today is already shaping up to be one hell of a day.

I've already gotten five phone calls about work, sent a dozen (give or take a couple) emails, and all while actually remaining in the comfort of my own bed. But that might be because it's only 5AM...

And I wonder why I always end up single, right?

Yesterday was wildly entertaining. After reading Photogirl's post on people missing appointments, I happened to spend three hours waiting for someone at an appointment that they set up. They wanted to talk to me about their business with us, and what they could to to improve it (they're already up 20% on the year, so I think "maintain it" would be a better way to put it). Showing up on time would be the first step, asshole...

Then I spent the rest of the day fixing other people's mistakes (my least favorite thing to do in the world), and then stuck in traffic on the I-5 heading home (this happens almost every day).

But there was a reward. A payoff for the agony.

I saw justice happen.

One of the biggest irritants in the world is people who cut in line. It's one of those behaviors that should be universally shunned. People caught doing it should be punished swiftly and without remorse. But unfortunately most people let it go, and have no desire to have a confrontation over something as simple as a line.

But what about when it screws lots of people over?

Yesterday, while driving home, I got into my turn lane early and then waited patiently as the line crept ahead while the green light let five cars through and then turned red. I'm not one of those last minute assholes that everybody hates, who turns on the signal at the front of the line and then thinks that somebody should magically allow them in because their time is so much more important than ours (and if you are one of those people, go fuck yourself). But sure enough, as the line crept forward, some choad in a Lexus decides that he missed the fact that he needs to turn at this light, and puts on his signal right next to me. I was pissed, because I'm 11 cars back, the light has been averaging five cars, and now this asshole thinks that he needs to be first. So I made up my mind. I was going to be that stereotypical jerk in a Mercedes. I could see him relaying the story to his buddies in my head; "Sorry to be late for the gay orgy guys. Some asshole in a Benz wouldn't let me get into the turn lane ahead of him." But I didn't give a shit. He can wait just like everybody else. Then magically, the light to go straight at the intersection turned green, while the light to turn left remained red. Douchebag in a Lexus was holding up the entire road while waiting to cut in line. Surely he would have to go forward and turn around, right?
NOPE! Fucker just sat there holding up the entire road. And the problem is that the lights are based upon pressure sensors in the road. As long as there are cars sitting on the sensors, the light remains green... So people are going around him on the shoulder of the road, all of them giving him the finger. The light to turn left is still red, the light to go straight is still green (because his big heavy car is still sitting on the sensor), and then it got even better. A few cars back I see a cop in my rear view mirror. I know that the cop can't see what's going on, but if enough people go around Lexus boy on the shoulder, he soon will have a clear view of what the hold up is.
One car goes around, then another, and the cop is creeping ever so close with every passing second. Here I am in my car begging God that the idiot next to me does not change his mind about being a dick. COME ON LEXUS BOY, STICK TO YOUR PLAN!!!!

And then in one miraculous moment, the cop sees what the hold up is, and the lights come on.

I have never been so happy in my entire life to see a cop, and I think that I may donate some money to their charity of choice, just because I was so full of joy.

"PULL YOUR VEHICLE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD," comes over the speaker as the cop comes up behind the car. So of course the guy pulls over, I'm now 6 cars from the turn (our light turned green, let five cars through, and turned right back to red), and just grinning from ear to ear as I get to watch this cop and idiot interact. I have no clue as to what was said, and I know that the moron probably had an excuse, but the cop got out of his car just looking fucking pissed, and came back with a ticket before the light turned green again.

You know those moments when you say; "God I wish there was a cop around to deal with that asshole," and you never get that reward? Well when you do, it makes it all worth while...

On that note, I'll leave you guys with this. It's just 19 hours away:

The Midweek Meeting

2007-10-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

So today was being at work until 7PM (having gone in at 6AM), and I am exhausted. I think that the whole knee not working well thing is just dragging me down. Every day it's quite the challenge, and the damn thing is always sore by noon.

But the good news is that I'm 24 days from my next vacation, and a month after that is my next one. I need the time off something fierce, and at this point I do not care about "missing work." I'm so worn out that I don't give a damn...

A Little More Douchebag

2007-10-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

So I find out today through a friend that an ex of mine is dating this total douchebag. Someone that she was well aware of my hatred for when we did date.

And for some reason, this really bothers me.

The stupid thing is that I think that she's dating him, just because she knows that it would piss me off.

And this guy is a total choad, so it's not like he somehow is "exactly what she's looking for in life." She's just being a snag...

And it bugs me.

The Bad News

2007-10-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

So work has been doing it's best to kill me. My boss went on vacation at the beginning of the month and left me in charge of his job... And I'm still doing my job too...

Needless to say, I have been very tired.

Then there is the ACL. Apparently the damn thing is much more damaged than initially thought (fucker is GONE), I had cracked my femur, and I'm going to have to get surgery. An allograft from an organ donor. Some poor schmuck that has had it worse off than I, yet managed to keep his knees intact. I know that my analysis of this sounds callous, but I can't get past the fact that I am going to be 24 and getting knee reconstruction surgery. And from racquetball. As if the dangerous sports that I play, and dangerous things that I do, can't manage to hurt me, I get injured whacking a little rubber ball around a room.

So I am in a foul mood about the surgery and then get told that I have to miss three weeks (maybe more) of work...

Don't get me wrong, monetarily three weeks of work is easily covered, and I happen to have the sick leave that I can take anyways, but I just hate the idea of being gone from work for three weeks. I'm not a huge fan of my vacations, let alone a three week period away from work during a time of year when they need me. Football season, the playoffs, and then the Superbowl. It's one of those things that while not in any way being my direct responsibility, there's a lot to do that I can help with, and a lot that I want to be responsible for.

So I asked my doc if I can put it off until February... She said that she'd get back to me.

So that's been my world for the past ten days.

Addition: I am listening to MC Hammer right now. I have no clue as to why...