The DMV ("Satan's Asshole")

So Monday mornings, the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) in Washington is closed.

No, that isn't a mistake in the name of the city on my part, all DMV offices in the state of Washington are closed on Mondays. I think that this means that they are open on Saturday, but the last thing in the world that I want to do, is ruin my Saturday by going to the DMV. That would be like scheduling a colonoscopy on your birthday...

But the most convenient day of the week for me to go to the DMV is Monday. The rest of the week is a collection of meetings, a day on The Island, and then Friday. There is free time on Friday, but that time is usually taken up before Friday even begins. Usually by something that comes up during the week that I have to push back, because the rest of the days are so busy.

So this leaves me in quite a bind, but doing some research, there are several "SubAgents" of the DMV that are open Mondays. Essentially the same as normal DMV offices, these places are not owned or operated by the Washington DMV. They are contractors that provide fewer services than a normal office (no applying for a License or taking a driving test), but they have different hours and make the services a bit more accessible. And not only are they open on the one day that I have time to go see them, but one of the offices happens to be right across the street from somewhere that I had to go on Monday anyways! Success. (Or so I thought)


Apparently, in being one of the very few offices that is open on Mondays, this DMV office manages to be remarkably busy. I walk in to find a line that is only 20 people or so long. And there is no option to take a number and wait until it is your turn. The line is THE LINE and if you need something done you will wait in that line.

I needed to renew my registration. This is normally a simple task that can be done online and mailed to you. Unfortunately my address changed and they need you to come in to do it when you move. Shit...

And this line is NOT moving. 20 minutes go by (in what feels like eleven hours) and the tree people working are still seeing the same three customers. The people in front of me all look pissed, so I assume that they had been in this line for quite some time. Interestingly enough, NOBODY has joined the line in the last twenty minutes. I am still the SOB standing at the very back of the line. So I wait.

Another 20 minutes of fun, and there are three new people at the windows, the line is now 17 people long. Forty minutes and a total of six transactions has occurred. I am just bored out of my mind. I wish that I had brought my PSP with me, because I would have seriously been playing video games in the line.

Twenty minutes go by yet again, and five more people have been helped. An hour in line, and we're down to twelve. At this point I am hoping that some people are going to give up and leave in order to speed this up. I have some time to take care of things on Monday. I don't have all of the day...

Then something amazing happens. One of the ladies at a window asks the line to split into two. One line for the window on the right. This line is for renewals and new registrations. One line for the two windows on the left. This line is for people needing to transfer a title. Quoting her; "This is the one thing that is taking a lot of time. People, if you have a title to transfer, I hate to separate you from the group but you're making people wait a very long time when their business here takes so much less time."

The line splits. The windows on the left have 9 people standing in front of them. The window on the right has 3. I am in the line on the right. THANK GOD!!!

The two people in front of me take less than two minutes a piece. When I get to the window, I immediately thank the lady for realizing that some of us had been waiting for so long to complete something so simple. She informs me that normally the paperwork for transferring a title takes about a half hour, and that Mondays are the worst day for it. Normally the lines are nothing but people doing this, but she just wanted to make sure that nobody was waiting for something simple. I asked why Monday, and the answer made me feel like an idiot. Most people buy cars on the weekend, and Monday morning they have to go in and fill out the paperwork that they couldn't do Saturday or Sunday. And with most of the offices being closed on Monday, the ones that are open have Monday as their busiest day of the week.

Something nice to know for the future.

So after a little over an hour, I am done with a transaction that took all of ninety seconds.

God I hate the DMV.