Monday, July 7, 2008

Early Birthday Present To Me

Not that I'm going to get a lot of time to enjoy the damn thing, but I guess that it was about time to retire the Mercedes and get myself an early birthday present.

Some pics of the newest member of my household. They suck, and I'll reshoot some later to get a better look, but for now, they work. (Dropping your DLSR and having to use a pocketcam FTL...)

Holla Limited Edition 25th Anniversary DTM package with a big ass V-8 and way more speed than I need. My old boss has an S4 from the last generation of the car and refers to it as his ticket machine. Mine is number 98 of only 250 built, and I'm already worrying about it getting hurt.

The car is stupid fast, and sounds AMAZING. I will have to throw up a YouTube vid with some noise coming out of it. Priceless.

So now I am going to forgo some sleep and drool on it in the driveway... I should be washing it...

Friday, June 27, 2008


So here I am waiting for something new and exciting to ruin my Friday, and I must say that this is the easiest shitty Friday ever. I have had nothing go my way all day, and every time something new goes wrong I am the one that will have to fix it. Saturday. My boss had the nerve to refer to me as being "melodramatic" when I was complaining about the things that have gone wrong today. As I said to her; "easy for the person who's going to be home on Saturday to say."

That shut her up. But, truth be told, freaking out about stuff isn't going to make it any better

Thanks to the holiday next week (Independence Day, for those playing at home) on Friday, I had already planned on coming in on Sunday. This means that in two weeks I will not take a day off. (It's going to work out to a bit longer than that, but for the sake of argument, it's these two weeks that I am worried about right now.)

Not that it's anything new, but the rest of America will be enjoying a three days weekend. I won't be enjoying a damn thing. But...

Every year some friends and I throw a massive Fourth of July Party, and not going isn't an option. It's one of those things where the party has outlasted relationships, friendships (people who now hate each other still attend), and anything else that may get in the way of a good time. SO. The new plan is to go into work and then go to the party. Then go into work hung over the net day.

Waking Up Still DRUNK FTW!!!!

And I'll try to blog a bit more regularly... ;-)

Friday, May 16, 2008

I Made Under $ 750,000 Last Year, Where's My Check?

I have stayed away from politics on the blog as I feel that I don't need to intentionally alienate any readers, but some things bear mentioning. Looking at my IP tracking, I may be about to infuriate at least some readers in the midwest. So be it, this needs mentioning.

Yesterday the Farm Bill passed the House, and today it passed the Senate. For those unfamiliar with the 2007 Farm Bill, it is the $289,000,000,000 cherry on top of the government sundae of spending.

People can bitch about government spending here and there all they want, but when the government allows subsidy payments to individuals with incomes up to $750,000 a year (married incomes of up to 1.5 million dollars) it somehow strikes me as the rich getting richer. Isn't that what so many people are bitching about? Economic stimulus checks are arriving now. I'm wondering where mine is, as I am positive I made less than three quarters of a million dollars last year.

Then there is the ethanol debate. I just can't stand behind the idea of burning food... We have seen rises across the board in food prices and yet somehow we need to be giving refiners (those people that everyone likes to bitch about having record profits) a 45¢ a gallon tax credit for blending food corn based ethanol into our gasoline. I know that the subsidy exists to keep US farmers in the business of growing corn, but at a time of record grain prices (and shortages in other categories, the big two in my world being barley and hops) is this still necessary?
And then we end up with anomalies. Case in point, a recent article in the W.S.J. pointed out that some refiners have been switching to Brazilian ethanol due to it's lower cost even though it is hit with a 54¢ a gallon tariff. Brazilian ethanol is made primarily from sugar cane, and their economy is immensely dependant upon the export of ethanol. That said, the entire country of Brazil only produces 4.3 billion gallons of the fuel. The US produces only 7 billion gallons of ethanol. The 2007 Farm Bill mandates that refiners blend 9 billion gallons of ethanol this year alone, with an average increase of about half a million gallons a year over the next fourteen years.

The increase can be made up in their production of Cellulosic Ethanol. CE is produced from non-food items such as sawgrass, wood chips, sawdust, etc... The production of CE at least has the potential to alleviate the need to burn US foodstocks to run our automobiles, but it is still being researched and there are currently only two major CE projects, one of which is not expected to come completely online until 2011. The Farm Bill provides a significant research subsidy to increase the production of CE, and it damn well better. The bill requires that an additional 21 billion gallons of CE be blended into the US fuel supply in 14 years. (A total US ethanol dependancy of 36 billion gallons.) For some reason I think we aren't going to be able to pull that one off...

And then there is the food aid. The fact that this spending is thrown into a bunch of government pork is laughable and probably one of the few reasons that the damn thing passes with enough votes to override a veto. It's hard to tell the poorest people in a congressional district why you voted against their children's school lunch program...

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Get By

So I managed to live through my Mother's visit, Cinco de Mayo, and the last week of work before my vacation.

Now I am sitting in Florida, having already been to the beach (surfing, but the waves were so small), just trading stocks and enjoying the hell out of myself. I think that I am going to have a hard time leaving here... It's about eleven million degrees, but I guess that it's really easy to get used to and right now I couldn't give a damn. It's nice and sunny, the rain hasn't materialized, and even if it does I do not care. I am having a great time on vacation... (Who knew this was possible?)

Saturday, May 3, 2008

It's The End Of The World As I Know It

So I guess it isn't that bad, but my mother is coming to visit, and while I do love the woman dearly, the thought of here staying at my house for a few days drives me insane. I do not know why...

I guess it's because I have to "behave" while she's here.

No going out drinking with friends, and coming in the front door at 3:00AM (there goes my Sunday Rock Band party, and I am not kidding). No bringing home random women (yeah, that doesn't happen when she's not here, so I guess it's not much of a concern).

And then there's the real draw back.

No being at work all hours of the day. I've got someone at home waiting for me, and while the woman lived in Seattle for six years, I feel obligated to entertain. I am sure that during the day she will be visiting old friends and seeing the sights, but she's also here to see her son. That's me. That means that I have to be there. And while I'd like to think that I can show her around the office and our operation, I can't keep her occupied for long.

Oh shit... Door bell...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Cinco de Mondayo

Well it would appear that my lazy ass has finally managed to get back to my blog after missing a couple of weeks.

Or a month.

And a few days.

Anyways. Work has kept me busy. A couple of trips to visit various suppliers of ours were both a lot of fun. They managed to entertain and educate... Lots of entertaining... Yeah...

And now we're working on a whole on a whole new holiday of fun; Cinco de Mayo. CdM is not a "real holiday" in Mexico but us beer people have managed to turn it into a traditional celebration of Mexican heritage. (Read, lot's of fucking drinking and eating pseudo-Mexican food)

Sadly enough, the date actually commemorates the date that a Mexican General defeated a French General as the French were invading Mexico... They beat the French, big fucking deal, who hasn't. The really funny thing to me is the French regrouped and a year later took control of Mexico for four years... "Mexico, the country that lost to France in battle" probably won't be making it onto the license plates any time soon.

But hey, kick back, put your feet up, and drink ANYTHING BUT a Co-ro-na... That shit is disgusting.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

If Anyone Still Reads This

I'll be around sometime soon. I've just been hammered with some big beer stuff.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

And sometimes

Sometimes mobile blogging sucks.

Because my computer is a touch screen it happens to be very sensitive about being in a briefcase. And so when I set it aside (failing to realize that I had left it on) it begins to have a mind of it's own. Something taps the screen, and suddenly a post is deleted. Something taps the screen again, and suddenly there is a post of gibberish because things have been rattling around the keyboard.

So, after clearing all of that up, I don't have the time to type the post I wanted to type.

Sorry about all of that confusion. We're experiencing technical difficulties... The normal programing will be resumed later today.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Great Success.

So I lived through St. Patty's Day.

I made it through pretty much sober, and was in bed really early. But it was a Monday night...

Next up, Cinco de Mayo, another Monday night. Ugh...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Victory In Melbourne For McLaren Mercedes.

In a race where finishing meant earning points, McLaren Mercedes driver Lewis Hamilton dominated the field, leading 53 of 58 laps of the Australian Grand Prix in Melbourne.

Of the 22 cars that started the race, only seven crossed the finish line, and the "top eight" teams that were awarded points included not one, but two cars that failed to finish due to engine failures. One of the cars that did manage to cross the finish line was disqualified for a rule violation (technical violation, not blatant cheating), and so two cars that did not finish were in the points standings. Several accidents, numerous failures of components, and general craziness, all contributed to a very chaotic race.

Teams will be rapidly working towards building in reliability, and drivers will be working on reactions and safety before the Malaysian Grand Prix in just one week.

Saturday, March 15, 2008


The 2008 season starts tomorrow.

Well, late tonight here in America. Tomorrow in Melbourne, Australia.

I'm as so excited. McLaren Mercedes took pole yesterday in qualifying. It looks like it is going to be a remarkable season yet again.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Quick Recovery?

A big thank you goes out to everyone for the emails and comments wishing me well. I'm well on the road to recovery. I can weight the knee a bit, about a third of my R.O.M. (ange f otion) is back, and aside from the whole "it still hurts" thing I'm thinking that I will bounce back to the world of the walking.

Or I'm wrong, but to stubborn to admit defeat.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

And I'm Spent

So near the end of a work meeting yesterday I did not notice the chair that had been slid back, pinning my leg between the table and itself as I was standing and talking to my boss.

I did notice it after turning sharply and dislocating my knee. I noticed it as I fell to the ground. As I dropped immediately (my leg no longer worked), all I could think about was that it was going to suck when then pain came.

Everyone rushed to my side, but there was little that could be done. I pulled myself up onto a chair and just sat there, marveling at the time that had managed to pass, while I had not reinjured my knee. Then the pain...

It comes in waves and it's like experiencing the tide. Each pulse is more than the last, and pushes you a bit further. It sucks. So I sat through the rest of the meeting, and then O'Sullivan showed up to drive me home. Then I made the call to go into work today, with my knee in an imobilizer. That sucked too.

But... Now I have all weekend pretty much confined to my bed to blog stalk and keep this place up to date. Then Monday I'll be in to the doctor and finding out if this is a sprain, ligament tears (yes, same knee as the last time), or something else that I can't come up with in my head. Updates will follow.

Monday, March 10, 2008

That Guy (Part 5)


An Open Letter to "That Guy"

Dear That Guy;

I have dealt with many of the best people in the world in my life. I have been rewarded with remarkable friendships and people who enrich my life on a daily basis. My circle of friends is amazing, and I am fortunate to have them.

You are not my friend. We are not friends. We are acquaintances. We know each other, but we don't "know" each other. And I'm fine with that. You happen to be the most irritating person in the world, and that's just something that I do not need more in my life. If I were an oyster, my life would be filled with pearls. That might make the ladies happy, but it doesn't make me happy.

Knock off the BS at the office. Cut the shit, and stop trying to be buddy-buddy. I know that I want to stab you in the eye with a fountain pen, so stop giving me the opportunity by coming by. I want to yell at you to get off your lazy ass and contribute to the growth of this company. So stop sending me emails that give me the opportunity to hit "Reply: Add CC: Company List" and send out a request as to how the hell you are wasting my time, the company's time, and the world's bandwith with this shit. And finally, do your best to run things by me when you happen to think that making some dramatic change in the department. The next time you don't, it will not end the way you hope. I'll have you out the door on your ass.

Cock Bag


The Stormin Mormon

The Stormin Mormon

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Week In Review

Last week was crazy, and this next week isn't going to be a whole lot better. I have spent entirely to much time worrying about work stuff, and I can't wait for St. Patty's Day. At least that is kinda the end to this whole crazy thing for a little while. We get another little lull where nothing happens and we get to catch up.

I have a feeling that my promotion ambitions are going to get in the way of a whole lot of down time, but at least it will cut the 13/14 hour days into 10/11. It's amazing what you can do with an extra two hours at home.

Daylight savings lime has royally fucked with me. I have one clock that doesn't reset itself (everything else is smart enough to know) and for some reason I have been trusting it more than any other this morning. Ugh...

I'll be making my blog rounds sometime (probably later today), updating The Stock Game Blog (you'll have to read the first post, perhaps I'll copy the good parts and post them here), and generally wasting the one day this week that I did not have something big going on... It should be fun.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Beyond Time

It's not about how many hours you work. It's about how you feel about those hours.

I'm rapidly falling into insanity, but I'm having fun...

I'll be posting here and visiting everyone's sites soon. :-)

Friday, February 29, 2008

New Systems

Give me cancer now God...

This meeting has been a blast, but I really would love to eat a bottle of rat poison than remain here.

And I'm one of the people who's been working on this new system for a while. This means that there is no new news for me.

The redeeming factor in this day is that it is fun to watch people scrambling while they do their best to adapt. I think I was 90 percent fluent on this bad boy after a few hours.

So this would be a colossal waste of my time if it wasn't for the fact that I can email from my phone and update my blog, and laugh at people as they ask questions that have already been answered to other people long before today.

Aside from all of the fun here, today has been a weird one. I destroyed a tire on my car and discovered that there was no jack in my car... MB sent a tech to fix it (and bring me a jack), so I just had a fun wait on the side of the highway. I learned that my cell phone is the worst phone in the world. It's a great PDA, a wonderful email machine, and it can text message like a champ. It is the worst PHONE that I've ever used. So this weekend I'm getting new rims and a new phone.

But now I'm going to stare blankly at the speaker, and maybe field a question or two from the people who are lagging behind.

-Stormin Out...

Monday, February 25, 2008

Random Emails

So it turns out that the first email I open today is also destined to be one of the best ever.

Go Huskies!

Roll It Out

So at the end of this week my company rolls out an entirely new software and hardware system for everyone.

I'm not in our IT department, I'm in our beer shenanigans department.

But, I am the youngest guy in my position by 5 years... Well closer to eight years... I'm the guy with a blog. The one who always fixes people's mistakes so that they don't have to wait for IT to come do it. As one guy put it, "You remind me of my kid, he's a genius at this 'computer stuff.'" Of course I do, his kid is four years younger than I am...


I was selected by my boss' boss to be our departments liaison to IT for this whole "new system" fiasco. This means that I get to do my job, the parts of my boss' job that I already do, and now that job on top of it. But the fun doesn't end there. IT likes me because they don't have to dumb anything down for me, so they have asked me to be one of the few "Super Users" (yeah, the computer geeks at my company are just like the geeks at every company). This means I get an Administrator account on the new system and will be somewhat responsible for my guys systems. When the shit hit's then fan, they'll call me instead of bugging IT immediately. Of course I said yes. I think that I have "a snowflakes chance in hell" when it comes to mastering the new system in ONE WEEK, but I know that I have a better chance of getting it right than anyone else that they could task for the job in this short a period of time.

So as I prepare for what will no doubt be one of the busiest weeks of work in recent memory, I figure that I might as well throw my schedule up here for all to see.

Mon - Work and then dinner with brewmaster of one of our brands.
Tues - The Island, and then a stupid appointment about my stupid knee.
Wed - Work, and then a division meeting after work about March.
Thurs - Work (Thank God, one day of just work)
Fri - All day with the IT guys working on the new system.
Sat - Friday part two. It will be a long day.

Friday, February 22, 2008

I'm D-Runk

Totally Drunk...

If TCH would volunteer to drive to Krystals, I'm buying...

Big post tomorrow. Well... Today.

Just later, when I'm less hammered. In the AM...

LOL... Someone please stop me before I make some comment about someone/something that I can't retract.

Holy crap. Why am I able to post from my cell phone? I should totally turn this off...

Or not. (Insert inappropriate comment here about breasts.)

Wow, just lost half my readers with that one.

Guys, please don't hold drunk Stormin to anything. I blame it all on D.K., he's getting me drunk...

Side of beef.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

HD DVD is dead.


Huzzah Blu-Ray.

God I love my PS3.


Monday, February 18, 2008

Hitting On Me

I think Word Verification is hitting on me. While posting on Mindy Does Minneapolis (great blog, by the way, and not about what all you pervs are thinking right now, but hey I though it too), my W.V. caused a raised eyebrow...

What would you all make of this:

Now, in case you can't make that one out, I zoomed:

As close to "under you" as can be... ;-)

I'm not that easy. I think.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


The hallway at one of my favorite local bars:

Saturday, February 16, 2008


Here I am trying to come up with a cohesive post from the emails that I sent myself Thursday and Friday and all I can think about is:

Drinking last night - Yeah... I think if I weren't getting paid by a beer company I would have a problem. But, I call it "work" and at least I feel great about myself.

More beer pong, where my teammate left me FLYING SOLO, as he was chasing some tail. The S.O.B. didn't even get lucky and I had to play against a two person team, which means I was drinking twice as much. I still won every game, and I think that I might call it training for THIS next year. Though I can not compete thanks to my job, which pisses me off. I could probably win the damn thing.

And then there is the fact that I really don't get hung over. I woke up today feeling great at 9AM (which is sleeping in). I walk outside to get the paper, and notice that my Wall Street Journal is in Japanese. Which pisses me the hell off. I could read it if I wanted to take the time, though my Japanese is rusty, it's still there. So I'm debating that one right now...

Finally there is tomorrow. I have to go to a damn baby shower, and in case you missed it, I fucking hate children. But it's for a friend, she's super excited about the damn thing, and I already bought the gift... God I hate children... *shudders*

Friday, February 15, 2008



All of the Valentine's Day bullshit is out of the way.

Bring on St Patty's Day!!!!

PS: Real post below.

Thursday, February 14, 2008


Holy Crap...

Three things:

1: No, I haven't wandered off in some drunken stupor (though I am currently kinda buzzed, but that's another story) though everyone has been getting some blog neglect (mine included). I'm greatly sorry for this, but my boss is gone this week and that means that I get to do my job, her job (already do enough of that anyways), and we've had meetings every day this week. Do not fret, this Saturday there will be a clever post that I have been brainstorming all week and literally emailing myself notes about from my phone.

2: The Charming Hedonist is single. Overprotective mothers of Florida, keep an eye on your sons. ;-)
(Hey, I was as shocked to hear about this as anyone. Usually firefighters win the cute ones. And yes, that's an assumption about my random blog buddy from 2300 miles away, but I'm buzzed and in the mood to make assumptions that fit my mental state of the world. Jesus this is the longest thought interrupting parenthesis in the history of blogging. Why am I still typing?!?!?!)
And Girl In A Guys World is single too... But she will soon come to her senses and see that the Broadcaster and her are destined for one another any time now... And I'm not the first one to say that.
Two wonderful women such as these being single is indeed hope for any man. Any man that happens to be a reasonably well off, good looking type, that is witty and fun, with one hell of a personality, or The Broadcaster (who should have a blog, we talk about him enough). But hey, if you fit the bill, hit them up.

(Yes, I did just tell people to hit you both up, and I know that your laughing about it...)

3: One day I will tell you all why I am well on my way to intoxicated on Valentines day, but not today.

Big post Saturday morning (maybe tomorrow if I get home soon enough) about something that has been on my mind all week.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The System Works?

So I had kinda let THIS post from The Charming Hedonist slip out of my mind, but then something happened Friday that really put it right back into the forefront of my concern...

MY TAKE on why the system definitely does not work...

Friday was K.B.'s birthday party. A time of drunken shenanigans the likes of which are rarely seen, and the very reason why we ALWAYS make a birthday party, a house party. Beer Pong, Kings, Guitar Hero, and Boojum* were enjoyed by almost everyone. We keep it real, and play double regulation distance Beer Pong (16 feet), house rules Kings (much more punishing), and well Guitar Hero drunk is really hard.... Then there is the Boojum. As far as I am aware, every Boojum virgin tried a drink, and many suffered the consequences.

After that, I was not going to be driving. I play it safe, and the lovely VonYennerson drove us back to my buddy D.K.'s house, where I was going to crash on the couch, as I had to drop his truck off with him the next day (well, that same day, just later when it was light out) to get detailed. We were back to his place by about 4AM, and for a half hour I laid on the couch, just not able to sleep. I have a really comfy bed (seriously comfy) and the couch was not cutting it.

So I decided to walk home. 3 miles at about 4:30AM, on my bad knee, sounds like a great plan when drunk... So I left Dave a note to come get me at home in the morning, and set off.

Half way between my house and Dave's house is a 24 hour 7-Eleven, where I decided to stop in and get a drink to make the rest of the walk easier (never mind the fact that I had a hundred bucks in my pocket, which would have made great cab fare, you don't think about these things when intoxicated). So I walk to the fridge, grab a Rockstar, and head to the line (yes, there was a line in front of me at 5AM).

It gets to the lady standing in front of me, and the clerk asks her if it will be TWO transactions. She replies yes, and he turns and grabs a carton of cigarettes and five $20 lottery tickets. I guess she must be regular enough that he knows everything she buys...

She has a half dozen items in front of her, and he rings those up first. To pay she pulls out a Quest Card. Quest is our states version of Food Stamps... Food Stamps are my tax dollars at work. I was buying the half dozen items in front of her...

He then rings up the Lottery Tickets and Cigarettes. $160... She pulls out three fifties and a ten while putting her Quest Card back.

She is paying cash for smokes and lottery tickets, while my tax dollars are paying for her fucking food?!?!?!?! (Judging by the food on the counter, her children's food as well) And it's not as if this seems to be a new concept to her, the clerck knew her well enough to grab her lottery tickets and particular brand of smokes before she even asked.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to shout out at the top of my lungs that while I bust my ass at work to make my ends meet (well, the ends meet quite well, but I still work hard), somehow she does not. But is seems to be no big deal to her that she has my tax dollars to spend on food so that she can spend what little money she must earn on smokes and lottery tickets. I wanted to ask her what the fuck made her feel that she should be gambling with the money she does earn instead of using it to provide more for her children. But most of all I wanted to ask her what the fuck she was doing to make her situation better so that she didn't have to KEEP doing it. But I didn't. I was drunk, and I knew that somehow the well off guy that berated the poor underprivileged woman who was using her food stamps to feed her children would be the BAD GUY in that situation. And so I waited for her to leave, and asked the clerk how often she came in...

A couple times a week, always the same stuff. A bit of food, a carton of cigs, and five $20 scratch tickets. Cash for the smokes and tickets, food stamps for the food.

I followed that one up right away; "That bother you even a little bit?"

His response; "It does. This is my second job, and I work a lot at both... But my kids have food and a roof over their head. The last thing I need to do is say something, get fired, and put an end to that."

And I couldn't agree more with him on his stance on the issue.

But I have decided that the system does not work.

And it pisses me off.

And I'm going to be working on that one. Which means I am going to end up running for a public office. Which means that I may have to change my drinking behavior... Which means that I may not be running for public office...


*There is no Wiki article on Boojum, and I would have written one specifically for this post, but that seems to be a bit self important of me, as the drink is one that we invented. It's a mixture of every alcohol that you have on hand, and usually an extra ingredient or two from the hosts fridge. Friday's Boojum contained: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Mikes Hard Lemonade, Mikes Hard Lime, Vodka, Bacardi 151, Jaegermeister, and a dash of Ketchup (fridge ingredient, and not that odd, the original had mustard in it). This is usually a birthday drink, and has resulted in numerous instances of "immediate stomach evacuation" when handed to an unprepared drinker. Usually ONE small drink of Boojum is required for every party goer...

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Sweet Tickets

So I snapped a pic on the way to the game.

(Yes, it's a camera phone pic and it sucks, sue Palm)

(Yes, I was driving, kiss my ass I can drive and take pictures)

(Fine... I'll stop taking pictures while driving.)

I have scored some sweet season tickets through work.

Suite Season Tickets in fact.

For as long as we have a team.

It's going to be a fun couple of months.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

The Superbowl Causes Cancer

While watching the news this morning, I'm listening to their "Superbowl Party Planning" B.S. and they have on this doctor that is offering up health tips for the party...

Don't drink to much, because that can cause blah, blah, blah... Cancer.

(You all better be enjoying some ice cold beers today!!!! We've been busting our asses to make sure that people have a beer or eleven with the Superbowl and I don't give a damn what some doctor says. The last time I checked, to much beer causes a lot of dizziness and eventually vomiting. Let's not get that far... But we can all get pretty damn buzzed!)

Don't offer your guests to may rich foods... Blah, blah, blah, all your guests will get cancer.

(He's right. If they fill up on rich foods, they'll have less room for beer!)

Serve chicken instead of pork or red meats... Red meat causes cancer.

(FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU Doc. Back away from my steak! The greatest thing in the world to enjoy with an ice cold beer is a medium rare steak (if I can't find any Cabernet). If it was already sex, fillet mignon would be my favorite thing in the world. Well, maybe behind beer and sex.)

So in short, the Superbowl itself causes cancer. That's what I've figured out. Party your ass off, but for the love of God, only watch the game if you're certain that you want cancer... I've been watching the past Superbowls for a week, so I'm already doomed.

Today I will watch Superbowl XLI, eat a handful of broccoli to kill off the cancer that I must have due to my life of excessive Superbowl watching, and then go to a party for yet another Superbowl.

Enjoy the day everyone.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Wiped Out

So I got home last night/this morning at 5AM after a night of hanging out with my guys (and girls) from work at the dueling piano bar we have in town. GREAT times had by all, and I really love the whole dueling piano theme...

So of course, I get a call from Jen at 10AM asking me if I wanted to go to the gym. 5 hours of sleep after a night of partying, and what the hell, I've had enough.

Then I had a great idea. Lets go to the treadmills...

I still have not had my ACL fixed (the thing is totally gone) so running was not a real option, and I set the thing at 4MPH and a 10 rating on the incline, just a brisk walk... Three miles later, I was done, the knee just not having any more of it.

I think I am going to keep forcing myself to do it a few days a week. It wasn't horribly comfortable, but losing my ability to run has been driving me mad, and at least the really quick uphill walk felt like a warm up.

Not it's seven at night, and I am just OUT. So very tired.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Substantive Post? How About: "That Guy" Part Four

So I am sitting here trying to come up with a post containing substance, when all I can do is think about how much "That Guy" made me mad today.

If you want to know who "That Guy" is without reading the posts, a simple synopsis is that he's that guy in your life (could be a girl), usually at work but not necessarily, that you're about two seconds from beating the shit out of should he/she somehow finally step over the line... But he stays there, right at the edge of an ass kicking, pushing just enough buttons to keep you furious. He thinks that he's everyone's friend and that everyone finds his bullshit humorous. He's dead wrong...

And "That Guy" also rears his ugly head at other times in life. The guy that jumps the queue when driving. The guy that takes ten minutes when ordering at the drive through when you have six minutes to get lunch. There's dozens of examples in life when you end up saying; "Holy Shit, you're that guy. That guy that I would murder if it wouldn't make Jesus hate me."

Well today "That Guy" was in great form. That guy is doing everything he can to push the rules at work, seeing if he can somehow do whatever the hell he wants and not get fired.

In Late? ---- Fuck yeah, by about an hour, every other day. Not that we're hourly, but still, nice of the fucker to show up when he gets to it...

Not Dressed Professionally? ---- Yep, and that's not the worst part. Quote; "What, I don't have to deal with clients, and my boss is gone, so why not. You're just jealous..." When in fact we can have brand reps in at any time, and I'd like to make sure that they feel that the millions of dollars they spend with us is justified as being spend on the most professional company in the industry. Some jackass in jeans walking around doesn't convey "professional" it conveys "must be the mail boy." I guess I'm old fashioned, or he's a douche. I'm guessing that I might be right.

Long Lunches? ---- Another result of his boss being gone. The fucker disappeared for two hours today, left his phone on his desk, and had info that we somehow needed... Not that I felt that he could ever produce anything that could not better (yeah, I know I'm being a hater, it was a long day), but the one time that a project he was assigned to would have been useful, he's nowhere to be found and incommunicado.

The list goes on and on, but today we managed to get ourselves into a very good yelling match, in which I called him a lazy sack of shit when I had enough of his shit... Apparently "lazy sack of shit" pushes his buttons more than any other statement known to man. He was fucking pissed. I was enjoying every second of it. Of course, when the argument continued, I could not hold back on the reasons that prove his "lazy sack of shitness".

I brought up the fact that I make more than him, even though he went to a ridiculously fancy private school that I will not name, simply for the sake of not associating that institution with that P.O.S. (You've heard of it...)

I brought up the fact that I've been promoted above him twice in the past year.

I brought up the fact that he does less at work, and expects more for it than anyone in the history of his job. Evidenced by his interviewing for a promotion that he got denied on, and being the only guy that didn't get a raise at the end of the last year. (Yeah, I went there)

And then, to drive it home, I just fucking fired one last shot over the bow...

"And then there was the whole; 'fired from the job that you had before here,' and getting your current job just because you knew someone, and not on merit."

I think I might have gone a bit far.

Then I called him a douchebag.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Post 200

Well... 470something if you count the old blog (some of you guys were there for that, right?).

It has been a long ride, and I'm not anywhere near done. Real post tomorrow or perhaps as late as Friday. I've been so damn busy with this whole Superbowl thing...

The beer planning, not watching them. Though in that respect I'm on Superbowl IX and just watched the Steelers hand the Vikings there asses (sorry M.D.M., just recounting history). The Purple People Eaters pretty much looked like a bunch of purple wearing pansies.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Drinking On Fridays

Now that I am up at 8:30AM thanks to the guy who DIDN'T go out with us last night calling me at 8AM to ask how it went. Let me tell you all how my Friday night went...

So there is a great thing in the world of drinking, and that thing happens to be Friday Night.

Friday night is that miracle time when you can get absolutely blasted because you have two full days to recover. The night that partying is easy, because there are a million reasons you want to, thanks to a week of work and just having left it all behind. And of course, the night that you damn well better have a Designated Driver, because the law don't give a damn why you're drinking.

Last night we had some beer people in town, and there is a new girl on my team at work (I say new, I've worked with her for 4 months, but hey, I've been busy), so the whole team decided in an impromptu fashion, to go out and have a blast. Just some of the friends from work getting together to shake their asses and have a fun. Not a work party, which we do, but those are different because there is a level of decorum expected from management and such (thank God we don't have bullshit "fraternization" rules, we're expected to get along with everyone).

So we all meet up at Château Hacker (the endearing term for the monstrosity of a house that Alyssa and her husband live in) to prefunk a bit and gather everyone together before departing to the club. Given my behavior LAST WEEKEND, I volunteered to be one of the the Designated Drivers...

The night was a mix of Coors Light, Blue Moon, J
ägermeister, Grey Goose, and Diet Coke. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to guess what I was drinking, but I had a great time. Every one of them is a "funny drunk" and so being the sober guy isn't taxing. We closed the place down, and then on the drive back home, all of the drunks were DEMANDING food. Hello 24 hour drive through.

I have done some very difficult things in my life. Extracting the food order from three drunk friends while at the drive through ranks somewhere near the top of the list. I ordered nothing as I was pretty sure that the food they did get was going to be spit in after the ordeal at the speaker...

Watching three drunks attempt to compile cash to pay for fast food while in the drive through line ranks right at the top of my list of fun things to do. Three people produced $90 (a ten and then four twenties) to buy $24 worth of fast food. Just bills handed out at random. Of course, I hand the lady two twenties (the damn sign on the window says nothing bigger than a $50, who the hell needs to pay for fast food with a hundred dollar bill, if you have $100 on you, you shouldn't be eating fast food) and then sit there waiting trying to think about how I am going to make change for everyone... Apparently that was not an issue. I ask them and get; "I don't care, fill your car with gas, you drove," as a unanimous response after a few seconds of drunk debate. Fine by me.

So we depart from the fast food joint, breaking the rules as we go (RULE 31: No drunks can eat in my car), but it was a fun night and I knew that food would sedate all of them. Though the spontaneous "2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted" singalong was wickedly entertaining...

And the fact that three drunks knew EVERY WORD of the song perfectly...

I mean, they could have been singing back-up for Pac and Snoop, PERFECT...

I love my job and the people I work with at time...

Anyways, everyone was crashing at the
Château Hacker, so there was only one house to get back to. I got them there, got everyone inside, and headed home. I got home just past 3AM...

Now it's going to be a long day of watching TV. It's here.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Patience Are For Doctors

I am not a patient man. When I say I want something, I want it yesterday... I want it the day before yesterday, and an explanation about what the hell took so long.

This is why me and shopping online are a bad combination. Shipping shit takes time, and I don't like time.

God has blessed my with a huge city in which I can find just about everything that I could ever want, and it's all within an hour drive. Even though our sales tax is high enough to fund a small country for decades, I buy a majority of my things locally because I'm not a waiter. I'm a "nower". I even have the Executive Membership to Costco because that means that I get to shop there an hour earlier than everyone else, meaning NO LINES.

And at times, this whole lack of patience is less prominent than one might think. But now is not one of those times.

I found an item that I wanted, and could not find locally. So I had to order it online. It's been shipped from Plano, TX, and it will be here on Friday... But it's MONDAY!!! For God sakes, I could drive to Plano and be back by Friday. What did they send it, Express Tortoise?

And the worst part is that the damn company had no other shipping option. Just, buy this and we send it. See ya when it gets there.

So here I sit, checking the tracking info to see just where the Terrapin bearing my package happens to be...

Did I Drink Last Night?

So I remember every second of the football games last night.

And I remember drinking every second of those games as well.

I was so past trashed, that the term "derailed" comes to mind.

So I took a shower and went to bed. Then I woke up this morning at 2AM, and felt thirsty but like a million bucks. No hangover, just the need for some water and desiring another shower. So I spent the morning reading blogs (38 of them), updating my sidebar (new blog links), listening to my Zune (this thing is PRICELESS), and drinking nine bottles of water. All of which took three hours.

Which means I need to go get in the shower five minutes ago.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Giving Up

And it's just at the point where I feel that I might as well admit that the Patriots are going to end up winning the Superbowl.

They play the Chargers today... Victory is all but written in the history books already.

And then either the Packers (let's face it, probably the Packers) or the Giants. Both of which are teams that I would like to see do well. Brett Favre could win one more before retiring, and Eli Manning could make his brother look like a douche.*

But I can't see either of those teams possessing the talent in every position that it's going to take to beat the Pats.

So in short, kiss my ass Belichick. Quit cutting the sleeves off of your sweater, you look like a hobo got into the stadium and put on a Motorola headset.

*And I love the Colts.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Good Year

So one of our suppliers decided that I should get a gift to celebrate my hard work in making last year one of their best ever.

And I got a pair of court side Sonics tickets, and THIS:

So amid the myriad of crap on my desk I have really great basketball tickets and a bottle of wine that makes the tickets look boring. The wine is my age, both of us just taking our time getting better since 1983. But just like the wine, the debate is complex. For what reason should I open the 1983 Graham's? Save it for my birthday in July (the QC for me and the wine) seems to be like the reasonable response, but I'm not sure. This could sit in the bottle for another ten+ years and still be amazing or be even better.

And an UPDATE:

Here is the last email from my guy on Vacation about the resolution of "SquirrelGate"

"Well, as per the advice of (I shit you not) "The Critter Catcher" I lit a fire and even kept it going all day. No squirrel has been seen in the fireplace since, so I hope he made it out. Actually, now as my wife and I clean up the black soot rodent prints, a little part of me hopes that he didn't. This has got to be the weirdest vacation ever. I'll see you on Monday."

Monday, January 14, 2008

At Least It's Not My Vacation

This is the entire text of an email that I got today from one of my guys that is on vacation this week. I just had to share it with everyone, as I spent the day laughing my ass off about it.

"Just checking in with you... My day started very weird: a squirrel got into my chimney and fell into my fireplace. Thank god there's a set of glass doors on the thing. I opened the front door and then the firescreen doors but the bastard just ran around the house looking like a soot soaked lunatique before running back to the firebox! Then he wouldn't come back out. Turns out the humane society doesn't do wild animal rescue and the guy they recomend wants $150 just to show up. He said "smoke him out, he'll find out real fast that he CAN climb up too"! So here I sit in a house covered in little black varmint paw prints watching a fire burn and praying NOT to see a smoke drugged squirrel fall onto the fire log. Hows your day? I think I'd rather be at work, myself."

Sunday, January 13, 2008

1 800 SELL OUT

No, I have not sold my beloved Colts down the river and given up on them. The season is just over and now I have the opportunity to focus on my first love. Hockey

So my blog has shifted to show my undying love of the Dallas Stars.

For my Minnesota readers that think I happen to have sold out the Twin Cities, I moved from Edina to Arlington the same year as the Stars made their journey south... It was fate that kept us together, and I'll support the team until the day I die.

(Uniquely enough, my father being from Baltimore and then Indy creates a similar origin for my Colts football fanaticism.)

Dallas is currently in second place in their Division within the Western Conference, and in third place in the West overall (should the season end tomorrow, we make the playoffs). Their record has them tied for fourth in the entire NHL... It's been a good year so far, and if San Jose can be stopped, we'll win the Pacific Division Title this year. But, we also have to contend with the Anaheim Ducks (last years champs).

I'll try to keep the hockey chat down to a dull roar, as I'm sure that 90% of the people stopping by have no desire to know my stance on Shootouts vs. Overtime, or the two line pass.


Friday, January 11, 2008


This post brought to you by: Fresh Lime Juice, Patron Silver, a hint of Grand Mariner, and a dash of salt. Shaken well, and strained.

So I got tagged by The Ex, and in the spirit of the New Year I have decided to play along.

Rules are pretty much standard fare. If I tag you at the end of this, play along. Mention me in the top line, list 7 random facts (your choice) and then tag seven people at the end. The people that I have chosen to tag may or may not play along, but I think that I have selected them based more upon how fun their facts could be than the guarantee of participation.

But first things first. The facts:

-I have no qualms about "playing dirty" at work when it comes to beating our competition. At times this has included bending or breaking the L.Q.B. laws. I spent time in school working on being an attorney, which I got bored with. I guess I have always been a crook at heart. I may justify it as the Liquor Control Board being a state monopoly that exists merely to tax me (and our product). It's not as if they're a legal agency out for the common good, they're just in it to make an easy buck. But it still should bug me more than it does.

-I will not go out with someone that I don't find interesting, no matter how attractive they are. This has been a hard call in the past, and will be a hard call in the future. Doesn't change anything...

-I am so very bad with names. But yet so very good with numbers. I have been in meetings reciting statistics like an encyclopedia, and still can't recall the names of half of the people I am meeting with. It has made the statement from me "would you like to bet" a virtual guarantee of accuracy at work.

-I am so bad about returning phone calls, but it's not as if I forget. I simply put the call at the lowest priority, and stuff always comes up. If I called you back, you're important.

-I won't drink a beer that I don't represent, and the mere sight of some of them repulses me.

-I read the Wall Street Journal every day. It's the only paper that I feel is worth a damn and for the most part they avoid politicizing the news.

-I will watch Steven Segal and Keanu Reeves movies even though I feel that both are horrible actors.

And now... The people that I'd like to see this one answered by:

Laughing Through My Chardonnay

Peter DeWolf

Bottle Blonde

Miss Natalie


The Charming Hedonist

Ridiculous Life Lessons

Fingers crossed.

An Inconveniant Truth...

It's snowing in Bagdad, Iraq...

Manbearpig is nowhere to be found.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


It's apparently where I live.

I made the mistake of applying for a promotion. At the time I thought that I should do it while I was looking good. Better than good in fact. The corporate guys from the beer company that we're working with were out looking at the program today in the retail chains and they had nothing but good to say...

So I talked to my boss' superior and hesitantly awaited his response. One of the longest two seconds in my life. He thinks it's a great idea.

So Now...

I'm expected to do all of my job, and sit in on the management proceedings with every one of the higher ups too.

This has made my social week pretty much the following:

Monday - Dinner with friends after a normal eight hour day.
Tuesday - Dinner at the office during the supplier meetings. (Home by 9!)
Wednesday - Dinner at the office during the management meeting. (Home by 9 again! Hooray me!)
Thursday - Dinner at the office before going out to wrap up some stuff that my boss' boss called me about at 4:30 (ALMOST... Five minutes later and I would have been on my way home. When, lets all admit, I would have turned around and gone back to take care of it.) Just got home...
Tomorrow - More of the same, but I think that the dinner with friends thing is going to happen again. I am sick of eating at the office and have no desire at all to cook at home.

Is it any wonder why I am so single?

I guess I won't be complaining when I get the 25% pay raise (yeah, I think I might have not kept my poker face on when I heard that one), but all of this damn "training" beforehand is a real P.I.T.A.

The end result?

I'm buying one of these this summer:

Friday, January 4, 2008

My Boy

I know that the world isn't always an easy place, but some things just hit to close to home. Girl in A Guy's World had to put down Buckey, and it really made me think about my boy.

This is my Labrador, Bailey. He's the greatest thing that has ever happened to my life, and I love him more than anything.

And he loves mint treats more than anything. I think maybe even more than car rides and fetch combined.

And no, he's not gay... He just has a wide stance...