New Systems

Give me cancer now God...

This meeting has been a blast, but I really would love to eat a bottle of rat poison than remain here.

And I'm one of the people who's been working on this new system for a while. This means that there is no new news for me.

The redeeming factor in this day is that it is fun to watch people scrambling while they do their best to adapt. I think I was 90 percent fluent on this bad boy after a few hours.

So this would be a colossal waste of my time if it wasn't for the fact that I can email from my phone and update my blog, and laugh at people as they ask questions that have already been answered to other people long before today.

Aside from all of the fun here, today has been a weird one. I destroyed a tire on my car and discovered that there was no jack in my car... MB sent a tech to fix it (and bring me a jack), so I just had a fun wait on the side of the highway. I learned that my cell phone is the worst phone in the world. It's a great PDA, a wonderful email machine, and it can text message like a champ. It is the worst PHONE that I've ever used. So this weekend I'm getting new rims and a new phone.

But now I'm going to stare blankly at the speaker, and maybe field a question or two from the people who are lagging behind.


-Stormin Out...

Random Emails

So it turns out that the first email I open today is also destined to be one of the best ever.




Go Huskies!

Roll It Out

So at the end of this week my company rolls out an entirely new software and hardware system for everyone.

I'm not in our IT department, I'm in our beer shenanigans department.

But, I am the youngest guy in my position by 5 years... Well closer to eight years... I'm the guy with a blog. The one who always fixes people's mistakes so that they don't have to wait for IT to come do it. As one guy put it, "You remind me of my kid, he's a genius at this 'computer stuff.'" Of course I do, his kid is four years younger than I am...

So...

I was selected by my boss' boss to be our departments liaison to IT for this whole "new system" fiasco. This means that I get to do my job, the parts of my boss' job that I already do, and now that job on top of it. But the fun doesn't end there. IT likes me because they don't have to dumb anything down for me, so they have asked me to be one of the few "Super Users" (yeah, the computer geeks at my company are just like the geeks at every company). This means I get an Administrator account on the new system and will be somewhat responsible for my guys systems. When the shit hit's then fan, they'll call me instead of bugging IT immediately. Of course I said yes. I think that I have "a snowflakes chance in hell" when it comes to mastering the new system in ONE WEEK, but I know that I have a better chance of getting it right than anyone else that they could task for the job in this short a period of time.

So as I prepare for what will no doubt be one of the busiest weeks of work in recent memory, I figure that I might as well throw my schedule up here for all to see.

Mon - Work and then dinner with brewmaster of one of our brands.
Tues - The Island, and then a stupid appointment about my stupid knee.
Wed - Work, and then a division meeting after work about March.
Thurs - Work (Thank God, one day of just work)
Fri - All day with the IT guys working on the new system.
Sat - Friday part two. It will be a long day.

I'm D-Runk

Totally Drunk...

If TCH would volunteer to drive to Krystals, I'm buying...

Big post tomorrow. Well... Today.

Just later, when I'm less hammered. In the AM...

LOL... Someone please stop me before I make some comment about someone/something that I can't retract.

Holy crap. Why am I able to post from my cell phone? I should totally turn this off...

Or not. (Insert inappropriate comment here about breasts.)

Wow, just lost half my readers with that one.

Guys, please don't hold drunk Stormin to anything. I blame it all on D.K., he's getting me drunk...

Side of beef.

HD DVD is dead.

Hahahahahaha...

Huzzah Blu-Ray.

God I love my PS3.

-Stormin

Hitting On Me

I think Word Verification is hitting on me. While posting on Mindy Does Minneapolis (great blog, by the way, and not about what all you pervs are thinking right now, but hey I though it too), my W.V. caused a raised eyebrow...

What would you all make of this:


Now, in case you can't make that one out, I zoomed:


As close to "under you" as can be... ;-)

I'm not that easy. I think.

For TCH

The hallway at one of my favorite local bars:

So...

Here I am trying to come up with a cohesive post from the emails that I sent myself Thursday and Friday and all I can think about is:

Drinking last night - Yeah... I think if I weren't getting paid by a beer company I would have a problem. But, I call it "work" and at least I feel great about myself.

More beer pong, where my teammate left me FLYING SOLO, as he was chasing some tail. The S.O.B. didn't even get lucky and I had to play against a two person team, which means I was drinking twice as much. I still won every game, and I think that I might call it training for THIS next year. Though I can not compete thanks to my job, which pisses me off. I could probably win the damn thing.

And then there is the fact that I really don't get hung over. I woke up today feeling great at 9AM (which is sleeping in). I walk outside to get the paper, and notice that my Wall Street Journal is in Japanese. Which pisses me the hell off. I could read it if I wanted to take the time, though my Japanese is rusty, it's still there. So I'm debating that one right now...

Finally there is tomorrow. I have to go to a damn baby shower, and in case you missed it, I fucking hate children. But it's for a friend, she's super excited about the damn thing, and I already bought the gift... God I hate children... *shudders*

Finally

Finally

All of the Valentine's Day bullshit is out of the way.

Bring on St Patty's Day!!!!


PS: Real post below.

M.I.A.

Holy Crap...

Three things:

1: No, I haven't wandered off in some drunken stupor (though I am currently kinda buzzed, but that's another story) though everyone has been getting some blog neglect (mine included). I'm greatly sorry for this, but my boss is gone this week and that means that I get to do my job, her job (already do enough of that anyways), and we've had meetings every day this week. Do not fret, this Saturday there will be a clever post that I have been brainstorming all week and literally emailing myself notes about from my phone.

2: The Charming Hedonist is single. Overprotective mothers of Florida, keep an eye on your sons. ;-)
(Hey, I was as shocked to hear about this as anyone. Usually firefighters win the cute ones. And yes, that's an assumption about my random blog buddy from 2300 miles away, but I'm buzzed and in the mood to make assumptions that fit my mental state of the world. Jesus this is the longest thought interrupting parenthesis in the history of blogging. Why am I still typing?!?!?!)
And Girl In A Guys World is single too... But she will soon come to her senses and see that the Broadcaster and her are destined for one another any time now... And I'm not the first one to say that.
Two wonderful women such as these being single is indeed hope for any man. Any man that happens to be a reasonably well off, good looking type, that is witty and fun, with one hell of a personality, or The Broadcaster (who should have a blog, we talk about him enough). But hey, if you fit the bill, hit them up.


(Yes, I did just tell people to hit you both up, and I know that your laughing about it...)


3: One day I will tell you all why I am well on my way to intoxicated on Valentines day, but not today.


Big post Saturday morning (maybe tomorrow if I get home soon enough) about something that has been on my mind all week.

The System Works?

So I had kinda let THIS post from The Charming Hedonist slip out of my mind, but then something happened Friday that really put it right back into the forefront of my concern...

MY TAKE on why the system definitely does not work...

Friday was K.B.'s birthday party. A time of drunken shenanigans the likes of which are rarely seen, and the very reason why we ALWAYS make a birthday party, a house party. Beer Pong, Kings, Guitar Hero, and Boojum* were enjoyed by almost everyone. We keep it real, and play double regulation distance Beer Pong (16 feet), house rules Kings (much more punishing), and well Guitar Hero drunk is really hard.... Then there is the Boojum. As far as I am aware, every Boojum virgin tried a drink, and many suffered the consequences.

After that, I was not going to be driving. I play it safe, and the lovely VonYennerson drove us back to my buddy D.K.'s house, where I was going to crash on the couch, as I had to drop his truck off with him the next day (well, that same day, just later when it was light out) to get detailed. We were back to his place by about 4AM, and for a half hour I laid on the couch, just not able to sleep. I have a really comfy bed (seriously comfy) and the couch was not cutting it.

So I decided to walk home. 3 miles at about 4:30AM, on my bad knee, sounds like a great plan when drunk... So I left Dave a note to come get me at home in the morning, and set off.

Half way between my house and Dave's house is a 24 hour 7-Eleven, where I decided to stop in and get a drink to make the rest of the walk easier (never mind the fact that I had a hundred bucks in my pocket, which would have made great cab fare, you don't think about these things when intoxicated). So I walk to the fridge, grab a Rockstar, and head to the line (yes, there was a line in front of me at 5AM).

It gets to the lady standing in front of me, and the clerk asks her if it will be TWO transactions. She replies yes, and he turns and grabs a carton of cigarettes and five $20 lottery tickets. I guess she must be regular enough that he knows everything she buys...

She has a half dozen items in front of her, and he rings those up first. To pay she pulls out a Quest Card. Quest is our states version of Food Stamps... Food Stamps are my tax dollars at work. I was buying the half dozen items in front of her...

He then rings up the Lottery Tickets and Cigarettes. $160... She pulls out three fifties and a ten while putting her Quest Card back.

She is paying cash for smokes and lottery tickets, while my tax dollars are paying for her fucking food?!?!?!?! (Judging by the food on the counter, her children's food as well) And it's not as if this seems to be a new concept to her, the clerck knew her well enough to grab her lottery tickets and particular brand of smokes before she even asked.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to shout out at the top of my lungs that while I bust my ass at work to make my ends meet (well, the ends meet quite well, but I still work hard), somehow she does not. But is seems to be no big deal to her that she has my tax dollars to spend on food so that she can spend what little money she must earn on smokes and lottery tickets. I wanted to ask her what the fuck made her feel that she should be gambling with the money she does earn instead of using it to provide more for her children. But most of all I wanted to ask her what the fuck she was doing to make her situation better so that she didn't have to KEEP doing it. But I didn't. I was drunk, and I knew that somehow the well off guy that berated the poor underprivileged woman who was using her food stamps to feed her children would be the BAD GUY in that situation. And so I waited for her to leave, and asked the clerk how often she came in...

A couple times a week, always the same stuff. A bit of food, a carton of cigs, and five $20 scratch tickets. Cash for the smokes and tickets, food stamps for the food.

I followed that one up right away; "That bother you even a little bit?"

His response; "It does. This is my second job, and I work a lot at both... But my kids have food and a roof over their head. The last thing I need to do is say something, get fired, and put an end to that."

And I couldn't agree more with him on his stance on the issue.

But I have decided that the system does not work.

And it pisses me off.

And I'm going to be working on that one. Which means I am going to end up running for a public office. Which means that I may have to change my drinking behavior... Which means that I may not be running for public office...

Shit...


*There is no Wiki article on Boojum, and I would have written one specifically for this post, but that seems to be a bit self important of me, as the drink is one that we invented. It's a mixture of every alcohol that you have on hand, and usually an extra ingredient or two from the hosts fridge. Friday's Boojum contained: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Mikes Hard Lemonade, Mikes Hard Lime, Vodka, Bacardi 151, Jaegermeister, and a dash of Ketchup (fridge ingredient, and not that odd, the original had mustard in it). This is usually a birthday drink, and has resulted in numerous instances of "immediate stomach evacuation" when handed to an unprepared drinker. Usually ONE small drink of Boojum is required for every party goer...

Sweet Tickets

So I snapped a pic on the way to the game.



(Yes, it's a camera phone pic and it sucks, sue Palm)

(Yes, I was driving, kiss my ass I can drive and take pictures)

(Fine... I'll stop taking pictures while driving.)

I have scored some sweet season tickets through work.

Suite Season Tickets in fact.

For as long as we have a team.

It's going to be a fun couple of months.

The Superbowl Causes Cancer

While watching the news this morning, I'm listening to their "Superbowl Party Planning" B.S. and they have on this doctor that is offering up health tips for the party...

Don't drink to much, because that can cause blah, blah, blah... Cancer.

(You all better be enjoying some ice cold beers today!!!! We've been busting our asses to make sure that people have a beer or eleven with the Superbowl and I don't give a damn what some doctor says. The last time I checked, to much beer causes a lot of dizziness and eventually vomiting. Let's not get that far... But we can all get pretty damn buzzed!)

Don't offer your guests to may rich foods... Blah, blah, blah, all your guests will get cancer.

(He's right. If they fill up on rich foods, they'll have less room for beer!)

Serve chicken instead of pork or red meats... Red meat causes cancer.

(FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU Doc. Back away from my steak! The greatest thing in the world to enjoy with an ice cold beer is a medium rare steak (if I can't find any Cabernet). If it was already sex, fillet mignon would be my favorite thing in the world. Well, maybe behind beer and sex.)



So in short, the Superbowl itself causes cancer. That's what I've figured out. Party your ass off, but for the love of God, only watch the game if you're certain that you want cancer... I've been watching the past Superbowls for a week, so I'm already doomed.

Today I will watch Superbowl XLI, eat a handful of broccoli to kill off the cancer that I must have due to my life of excessive Superbowl watching, and then go to a party for yet another Superbowl.

Enjoy the day everyone.

Wiped Out

So I got home last night/this morning at 5AM after a night of hanging out with my guys (and girls) from work at the dueling piano bar we have in town. GREAT times had by all, and I really love the whole dueling piano theme...

So of course, I get a call from Jen at 10AM asking me if I wanted to go to the gym. 5 hours of sleep after a night of partying, and what the hell, I've had enough.

Then I had a great idea. Lets go to the treadmills...

I still have not had my ACL fixed (the thing is totally gone) so running was not a real option, and I set the thing at 4MPH and a 10 rating on the incline, just a brisk walk... Three miles later, I was done, the knee just not having any more of it.

I think I am going to keep forcing myself to do it a few days a week. It wasn't horribly comfortable, but losing my ability to run has been driving me mad, and at least the really quick uphill walk felt like a warm up.

Not it's seven at night, and I am just OUT. So very tired.