Not A Lack Of Effort

So it's not that I'm not trying to post something in the past few days, I've just had the biggest creative block going on in history. And not just here...

At work I had the task of coming up with THE SUPERBOWL PROGRAM for a major retail chain's beer department. Every one of the chains stores will have my program in it, and it's one of the largest food retailers in the nation. FUCK!

And of course, it's not a simple as; "Well let's have them throw some beer on the floor and some Point Of Sale around it, la dee da..."

No, this has to comply with LAWS, which suck. God I am so glad that I never did the whole lawyer thing (sorry Jazz). Laws which limit what we can say, what we can do, and what we can have on the display. And this is where the NFL pisses me off (sorry Mike, and Girl In A Guys World):
-One beer company owns the rights to the term Superbowl and has the official NFL beer sponsorship which means that they can use EVERY team logo on a display while not highlighting ANY PARTICULAR team logo. The also have the exclusive rights to several team names and logos, thanks to licensing agreements. (This would be Coors)
-Another beer company has independently purchased the rights to many of the teams logos and names from the teams themselves (these would be the infamous licensing agreements again). And the NFL is OK with this. (This would be Bud)
-Yet another beer company has purchased the rights to a few more team names (thanks, Independent Licensing Agreement) which mattered to it due to local marketing issues. (This would be Miller)

Can't it just be ONE company that has the rights to the NFL and that's that?

So instead of being able to use every locality's team name on the displays (well, at least the ones that made it into the playoffs) I have to make sure that the program will work well in any NFL market without alienating fans or violating the law, while complying with the wonderful licensing agreements. And unfortunately, I can't just have this as a simple statement. "Hey fucktard, if we don't have the rights to the team in that market, please don't use the name on the display." No, I have to do some bullshit write up that keeps things "professional" because at this level people aren't getting paid to swear.

-It is imperative to remember that all Point Of Sale on this display must comply with the NFL's licensing agreements and the agreements of any team featured on the display. Please be sure to check with The Stormin Mormon if you have any questions about what; Point Of Sale material, NFL team merchandise, or NFL generic merchandise, you may want to include on your display. The enclosed diagrams and photos all include Point Of Sale material that has been approved for use in every market nationwide. The NFL and it's franchises, are the final say in this, and may need to be contacted for approval if any complaints should arise. The Licensing Agreements that have been made for the use of team names and logos, the NFL name and logo, and the Superbowl name and related logos (including XLII) are binding contracts that have cost millions of dollars. Please respect these investments while adding Point Of Sale to displays.

I don't think that's what I sent out verbatim (it was late yesterday) but it's pretty damn close.


So I finished designing the program yesterday, did a mock up of it (real life too, no Photoshop), and I moved 211 cases of beer around while integrating all of the P.O.S. When I was done I took photos, attached them to the email, and sent it out. Building the display took four and a half hours, I was tired, and I still had things to do. Damn...

Twenty minutes later I get a call, and I didn't look at the caller I.D.
I just answered it with my Bluetooth headset (I was still moving beer), and this is the conversation.


Unknown Male Caller - I don't say this a whole lot Stormin, but I am seriously impressed. Seriously impressed...

Stormin (No idea who this is so I'm looking at the caller ID as I respond) - Ya know what, I am really glad to hear that. (Seeing caller ID, the call is from the president of the beer company featured on the display... HOLY SHIT)

Prez - I just think this has to be one of the best display programs that I have seen in a long time. Superbowl or no Superbowl, this thing is amazing.

--- Note --- At this point, I think I could burn down the office where I work and get away with it. I've talked to this guy ONCE before and it was a brief meet and greet at a party a while ago. Here his is calling me personally to tell me this (and not letting it come down from his underlings to my boss, to me as would be the normal "AttaBoy" in this industry). This is a cool moment.

Stormin - Thanks. I really am glad that you like it.

Prez - Well, I wanted to let you know that I have forwarded my opinion along to all of the guys (prattles off a list of people that I'm sure I should know, but I did recognize a few names in there). I know that all of those names might not ring a bell, but those are our key account executives that deal with most of the retail chains in the nation. Display programs like yours are what I want them pitching. This is going to be on every desk, and featured at our Superbowl Kickoff meeting next week. I'd like you to make sure that you attend that one. I'll send you the info if you don't have it already.

Stormin - I was already planning on being their sir. (I was going to be sitting in the back... Goofing off probably, because those meetings are the biggest waste of my time.)

Prez - Good. Good. I'm coming into town for the meeting, and I want to make sure that I see you there.

Stormin - Then I'll see you in a week.

Prez - We'll have to have lunch. Thanks again Stormin, this thing you've put together is perfect.

Stormin - No sir, Thank You.


HOLY FUCKING SHIT... I think I just got that raise I was thinking about. ;-)